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The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors who came to the UK for different purposes between 1989 and 2009. v.1

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors who came to the UK for different purposes between 1989 and 2009. v. 1
In this modern world, many people are reckoned to think that travelling to remote areas is a better experience, while some differ with it. In this essay, I will discuss both merits and demerits of such an approach along with the relevant examples. On the one hand, travelling to such places can be a whole new experience for anyone, as one can get away from the humdrum and feel relaxed and peaceful. For example, it is getting quite common for people to travel to the Himalayas to meditate and gain inner peace, as compared to the crowded tourist places. Secondly, a lot of people love to experience challenges and difficult conditions. This is because, they are not able to pursue that in their daily routine life. For instance, many people from desk jobs love to trek mountains as they don't get enough physical activity during the week. If they don't pursue such challenges, they would eventually get bored of their monotonous life. On the other hand, visiting such places can have a lot of negatives as well. One of the major disadvantages is the connectivity issue in case of an emergency. This is because, such places are usually in remote areas and have less towers resulting in transportation and communication problems. For example, according to a recent study, if someone gets hurt in the Sahara desert, it would take 3 days to provide enough medication. Moreover, such extreme weather conditions are not good for health as well, as our body can only adapt to an environment up to a certain extent. In conclusion, even though, visiting extreme and remote locations can be adventurous and soothing for one's soul, it is important to consider the health and connectivity issues that might arise due to travelling to such locations.
In this modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are reckoned
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that travelling to remote areas is a better experience, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
differ with it. In this essay, I will discuss both merits and demerits of such an approach along with the relevant examples.

On the one hand, travelling to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
can be a whole new experience for anyone, as one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
away from the humdrum and feel relaxed and peaceful.
For example
, it is getting quite common for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to travel to the Himalayas to meditate and gain inner peace, as compared to the crowded tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to experience challenges and difficult conditions. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they are not able to pursue that in their daily routine life.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from desk jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to trek mountains as they don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
physical activity during the week. If they don't pursue such challenges, they would
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
In standard English it's more accepted to use "bored with" or "bored by".
bored of
their monotonous life.

On the other hand
, visiting such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
negatives
as well
. One of the major disadvantages is the connectivity issue in case of an emergency. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are
usually
in remote areas and have
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun towers is countable.
less
towers resulting in transportation and communication problems.
For example
, according to a recent study, if someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
hurt in the Sahara desert, it would take 3 days to provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
medication.
Moreover
, such extreme weather conditions are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for health
as well
, as our body can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
adapt to an environment up to a certain extent.

In conclusion
,
even though
, visiting extreme and remote locations can be adventurous and soothing for one's soul, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider the health and connectivity issues that might arise due to travelling to such locations.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors who came to the UK for different purposes between 1989 and 2009. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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