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The man expresses his opinion of the proposal in the announcement. Report his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for having that opinion. v.1

The man expresses his opinion of the proposal in the announcement. Report his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for having that opinion. v. 1
It is generally believed that being a famous person has its fair share of pros and cons. However, in my view, the perks of celebrity life outweighs its disadvantages. In this essay, I will examine both sides with reasons and appropriate examples: where necessary, and further establish my view point. There are few problems associated with famous people. First, the most glaring issue in their life: lack or personal space. They are constantly being followed by paparazzi and fans, due to their celebrity status, which leaves a little or no space for their personal life. As a consequence, their loved ones suffer and family life is compromised. For example, in my country majority of the film stars and sports stars suffer from family issues, which often publish in newspapers and magazines. This is a dark side of superstar life. In Addition, most of the celebrities' careers are short lived, which makes their life vulnerable. If they could not earn enough money during their prime period, they struggle to maintain their lifestyle after their prime period is over. The competition is steep at this level, as so many people struggle to get to the top, and in that race, it is obvious that people on top will lose their status, sooner or later. As a result, these people often suffer from depression because they are no longer being able to earn that much as they are used to do. For instance, in a survey conducted by a film magazine, Starblitz, shows that 30 percent of film stars and 50 % of sports heroes have confessed that they are battling mild to severe form of depression. It is hard to stay at the top for a longer time, which affects celebrities' mental health greatly. In contrast, there are major benefits of leading a celebrity life. First, these people attract a lot of fan following, and they are being venerated wherever they go. It gives them supreme satisfaction of achievement. They are celebrated everywhere and garner respect from the mass. For example, in my country cricketers and film stars are treated like a deity and worshipped by their fans. This makes them feel accomplished about their achievements. Additionally, one of the most important benefits of celebrity life is money. It is well known that their celebrity status brings concomitant benefit: wealth. As a result, they could afford to lead an extravagant lifestyle, which ordinary people envy. They not only earn money from their profession, but from the advertising industry as well. As an example, in India majority of the products are being promoted by film stars and cricketers. Because of their wide reach, Companies find easier to market products. In conclusion, although there are few problems associated with famous people, but the advantages are way more inferior. Hence, according to me, It is a privilege to become famous, as not everyone gets the chance, and clearly the plus points are far more important in life than it's negatives.
It is
generally
believed that being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
person has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
share of pros and cons.
However
, in my view, the perks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
outweighs its disadvantages. In this essay, I will examine both sides with reasons and appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
: where necessary, and
further
establish my view point.

There are few problems associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
First
, the most glaring issue in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
: lack or personal space. They are
constantly
being followed
by paparazzi and fans, due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
status, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no space for their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. As a consequence, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones suffer and family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is compromised
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, in my country majority of the film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
and sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
suffer from family issues, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
publish in newspapers and magazines. This is a dark side of superstar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
In Addition
, most of the celebrities' careers are short
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
vulnerable. If they could not earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money during their prime period, they struggle to maintain their lifestyle after their prime period is over. The competition is steep at this level, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
struggle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the top, and in that race, it is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on top will lose their status, sooner or later.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suffer from depression
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are no longer being able to earn that much as they are
In the grammatical structure 'pronoun + be/get + used + to + verb', the verb 'used' is used with the gerund: "used to doing".
used to do
.
For instance
, in a survey conducted by a film magazine,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Starblitz
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 30 percent of film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
and 50 % of sports heroes have confessed that they are battling mild to severe form of depression. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to stay at the top for a longer time, which affects celebrities' mental health
greatly
.

In contrast
, there are major benefits of leading a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
First
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attract
Possible agreement error. The noun fan seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of fans".
a lot of fan
following, and they are
being venerated
wherever they go. It gives them supreme satisfaction of achievement. They
are celebrated
everywhere and garner respect from the mass. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, in my country cricketers and film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
are treated
like a deity and
Possible spelling mistake. 'worshipped' is British English.
worshipped
by their fans. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel accomplished about their achievements.
Additionally
, one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is money. It is well known that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
status brings concomitant benefit: wealth.
As a result
, they could afford to lead an extravagant lifestyle, which ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
envy. They not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
earn money from their profession,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
from the advertising industry
as well
. As an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, in India majority of the products are
being promoted
by film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
and cricketers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of their wide reach,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
find easier to market products.

In conclusion
, although there are few problems associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the advantages are way more inferior.
Hence
, according to me, It is a privilege to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
, as not everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the chance, and
clearly
the plus points are far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
than it's negatives.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The man expresses his opinion of the proposal in the announcement. Report his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for having that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
495 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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