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Do you like to have flowers in your home? Where would you go to buy flowers? On what occasions would you give someone flowers? Are flowers important in your culture? v.2

Do you like to have flowers in your home? Where would you go to buy flowers? On what occasions would you give someone flowers? Are flowers important in your culture? v. 2
It is true that senior managers play a vital role in the company’s management so as to achieve targets. While some believe that such high-level holders should be paid handsome salaries as compared to junior workers, I, however, agree with this thought for two reasons. One concern in terms of higher salaries is an experience. Senior executives play an integral role in upbringing firm’s future. Only workers who have long term work experience are to be paid the decent salaries as they know management’s input and output very well. For example, a survey shows that 85% of a senior employee who worked in the same organization are succeeded in gaining the company’s goal due to acknowledging the firm’s tic-tack. Therefore, usually, they are mostly high paid employees than others. Responsibility is another area. The senior executive position demands a great number of responsibilities to deal with. For instance, a branch manager has to look for the entire operation of the branch, whereas, a junior level employee only needs to take care of their respective job. Similarly, a customer care executive only responsible for answering the query of customers, while marketing managers have to answer why a product fails in the market to the board of management. In conclusion, not only do senior managers deserve higher remuneration than juniors because of valuable work experience, but also they have dealt with enough job responsibilities for achieving the objective of companies. Therefore, I strongly believe that they should pay much than a fresh experience employee.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
play a vital role in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s management
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
achieve targets. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that such high-level holders should
be paid
handsome salaries as compared to junior workers, I,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
for two reasons.

One concern in terms of higher salaries is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Senior
executives play an integral role in upbringing firm’s future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Only
workers who have long term work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
are to
be paid
the decent salaries as they know management’s input and output
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well.
For example
, a survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 85% of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
who worked in the same organization
are succeeded
in gaining the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s goal due to acknowledging the firm’s tic-tack.
Therefore
,
usually
, they are
mostly
high paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
than others.

Responsibility is another area. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
executive position demands a great number of responsibilities to deal with.
For instance
, a branch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manager
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
look for the entire operation of the branch, whereas, a junior level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
needs to take care of their respective job.
Similarly
, a customer care executive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
responsible for answering the query of customers, while marketing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
answer why a product fails in the market to the board of management.

In conclusion
, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
deserve higher remuneration than juniors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of valuable work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they have dealt with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
job responsibilities for achieving the objective of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Therefore
, I
strongly
believe that they should pay
Use "more" to make a comparison with this adjective.
much
than a fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you like to have flowers in your home? Where would you go to buy flowers? On what occasions would you give someone flowers? Are flowers important in your culture? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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