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The advantages of spread of english as a global language outweigh its disadvantages. Do you agree or disagree? ? ? v.1

The advantages of spread of english as a global language outweigh its disadvantages. ? ? v. 1
With the rapid growth of the population, many problems such as water shortages, waste of energy pollution are beginning to surface. These issues have led to increasingly problem of environmental trends. As far as I concerned, governments should sense a responsibility and take many factors into consideration. To some extent, the increasingly fierce social competition that forced the rapid development in industries. For example, factories, chemical processing are part of the majority that involved in pollution. These sectors are contributing and improving our economic growth but there are arguments on both sides. This leads to negative effects on water and air pollution that related to a serious part in our health. As the proverbs go to " Every coin has its both sides, No garden without the weeds. Furthermore, it is undoubtedly that human being keeps abreast with the development of social status, therefore neglected the priority of the environment issue. For example, the younger generation prefers to have personal automobile in sense of convenience and gratification. These behaviours have lead to serious air pollution and furthermore road congestion. But they didn't notice the interest in the long run, which health is more important than everything. In order to improve the current air conditions that we are facing now, certain effective measure needs to be carried out which attach great importance to a greener environment. In conclusion, a better environment is indirectly related to our health. Personally, the advantages of punishments far outweigh than the disadvantages. Every option has its pros and cons and we will need to decide which benefit us in the long term priority to our well being, all else comes second.
With the rapid growth of the population,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems such as water shortages, waste of energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
are beginning to surface. These issues have led to
increasingly
problem of environmental trends. As far as I concerned,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should sense a responsibility and take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors into consideration.

To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, the
increasingly
fierce social competition that forced the rapid development in industries.
For example
, factories, chemical processing are part of the majority that involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
. These sectors are contributing and improving our economic growth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are arguments on both sides. This leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on water and air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
that related to a serious part in our health. As the proverbs go to
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
Every coin has
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
both sides, No garden without the weeds.

Furthermore
, it is
undoubtedly
that human being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
abreast with the development of social status,
therefore
neglected the priority of the environment issue.
For example
, the younger generation prefers to have personal automobile in sense of convenience and gratification. These
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
have lead to serious air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
and
furthermore
road congestion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they didn't notice the interest in the long run, which health is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than everything. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
air conditions that we are facing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, certain effective measure needs to
be carried
out which attach great importance to a greener environment.

In conclusion
, a better environment is
indirectly
related to our health.
Personally
, the advantages of punishments far outweigh than the disadvantages. Every option has its pros and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cons and
we will need to decide which benefit us in the long term priority to our
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
, all else
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
second.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay The advantages of spread of english as a global language outweigh its disadvantages. ? ? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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