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Describe a situation which caused you to discover a strength or weakness you didn't know you had and say what circumstances made you realize you possessed this characteristic. Provide details to support your explanation. v.1

Describe a situation which caused you to discover a strength or weakness you didn't know you had and say what circumstances made you realize you possessed this characteristic. Provide details to support your explanation. v. 1
There is no doubt that in order to acquire any goods or obtain any service, one has to pay a certain amount of money. While some individual believe that money brings happiness, others argue that limited money is good because having too much of them brings numerous problems. I completely agree with the former view, and in this essay I will support my view with examples. First of all, money is very essential in today's world. This is because, it is required for getting any activity done or obtaining any goods or services. An individual earns money to not only satisfy his needs, but also to live his life to the fullest. For example, when an individual has sufficient money left after all the basic needs, he can decide to purchase goods as per his desire. This will make him happy and will further motivate him to earn more. Another pivotal point to consider is that, money is very crucial in order to meet emergency needs. Today, medical services are becoming expensive due to a lot of demand for various treatments. So, in order to pay for such services, money is required immediately, so that the treatment can be done at the right time and without any delay. Thus, sufficient money avoids any problem arising through unforeseen circumstances. To sum up, I would like to reiterate that sufficient money is very essential in order to fulfil the desire of an individual, whether it buying new clothes or taking a vacation flight every year, also avoiding any event happening in emergency situations.
There is no doubt that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to acquire any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
or obtain any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pay a certain amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "individuals"?
individual
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
brings happiness, others argue that limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
having too much of them brings numerous problems. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former view, and in this essay I will support my view with examples.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, it
is required
for getting any activity done or obtaining any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
earns
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
satisfy his needs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
his life to the fullest.
For example
, when an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
has sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
after all
the basic needs, he can decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
as per his desire. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him happy and will
further
motivate him to earn more.

Another pivotal point to consider is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
emergency needs.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are becoming expensive due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
demand for various treatments.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to pay for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is required
immediately,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the treatment can
be done
at the right time and without any delay.
Thus
, sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
avoids any problem arising through unforeseen circumstances.

To sum up, I would like to reiterate that sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to fulfil the desire of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
, whether
Did you mean "it's buying", "it is buying", or "it was buying"?
it buying
new clothes or taking a vacation flight every year,
also
avoiding any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
happening in emergency situations.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Describe a situation which caused you to discover a strength or weakness you didn't know you had and say what circumstances made you realize you possessed this characteristic. Provide details to support your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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