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Describe a situation where you found yourself dealing with someone who didn't like you. You should say- who he/she was- why he/she didn't like you - how your behavior was- and explain what his or her reaction was v.1

Describe a situation where you found yourself dealing with someone who didn't like you. You should say- who he/she was- why he/she didn't like you - how your behavior was- and explain what his or her reaction was v. 1
In these days, the increase in unemployment rates has aroused people’s discussion. Although it is argued by some that governments should not offer secondary education to primary pupils who have no hope of finding a job in the future. My belief is that offering secondary education is crucial for making young minds a part of the economy’s skilled labor. To begin with, secondary education builds several soft skills that might not be introduced, making every student ready for further life and career. For example, all high school students need to work on group assignments as well as presentations for which they need to work alongside others, coordinate ideas, and manage the team, giving them insights to team spirit, communication, and collaboration. With these skills, young students who might have been thought to be unemployable in primary school have better chances of getting employed as they are deemed as skilled workforce of the economy. Clearly, secondary education plays a vital role in introducing them to new concepts, developing their cognitive skills, and building their imagination. Second, I contend that the purpose of education is not only simply to prepare young individuals to the world of work but also acquires lifelong skills in different aspects. At its best, secondary education plays an essential part in helping young people to develop these critical thinking skills. However, if the citizens of a country are informed and enlightened, problems such as a welfare system or the distribution of wealth can be intelligently debated. Without mass education at this level, a country can have no responsible citizens. In conclusion, although in today's’ volatile global economy, I strongly believe that it makes more sense that the intangible but real objectives of secondary education are dictated.
In these days, the increase in unemployment rates has aroused
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s discussion.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
it
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should not offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to primary pupils who have no hope of finding a job in the future. My belief is that offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is crucial for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
minds a part of the economy’s skilled labor.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
builds several soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that might not
be introduced
, making every student ready for
further
life and career.
For example
, all high school students need to work on group assignments
as well
as presentations for which they need to work alongside others, coordinate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, and manage the team, giving them insights to team spirit, communication, and collaboration. With these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
students who might have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be unemployable in primary school have better chances of getting employed as they
are deemed
as skilled workforce of the economy.
Clearly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays a vital role in introducing them to new concepts, developing their cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, and building their imagination.

Second, I contend that the purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
simply
to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals to the world of work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
acquires lifelong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects. At its best,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays an essential part in helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to develop these critical thinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
However
, if the citizens of a country
are informed
and enlightened, problems such as a welfare system or the distribution of wealth can be
intelligently
debated. Without mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at this level, a country can have no responsible citizens.

In conclusion
, although in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's’ volatile global economy, I
strongly
believe that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
more sense that the intangible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
real objectives of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are dictated
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe a situation where you found yourself dealing with someone who didn't like you. You should say- who he/she was- why he/she didn't like you - how your behavior was- and explain what his or her reaction was v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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