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Last month you had a holiday overseas where you stayed with some friends They have just sent you some photos of your holiday Write a letter to your friends In your letter thank them for the photos and for the holiday explain why you didn t write earlier i v.1

Last month you had a holiday overseas where you stayed with some friends They have just sent you some photos of your holiday Write a letter to your friends In your letter thank them for the photos and for the holiday explain why you didn t write earlier i v. 1
In this day and age, going shopping has become one of the most essential demands of people’s daily life. Each person has different habits of purchasing products and there are some people who suppose that those habits are related closest to the ages of the buyers. Although I agree that ages play a vital role in making shopping decisions of many people, I still argue that there exist other factors affecting such decisions. First of all, it is clear that a group of people who have the same age shall tend to buy certain products that are considered appropriate to their mutual hobbies. For example, the youngsters between six and twelve years old would like to possess toys such as cars or Barbie dolls; while the teenagers have the inclination for the technological devices on which they can download the video games. Therefore, many companies have relied on this feature to launch marketing campaigns that bring billion dollars of profit, but they also use other factors because not only the ages could have influences on buying habits but also the genders and media. Regard to the sexes, in the example mentioned above, the young male and female children will not play similar toys as the other. The former often plays with the cars and the models of superheroes while the latter seems to spend most of their time with the dolls or plastic cooking appliances. In terms of the media, every resident is inundated with the advertisement of many means of media like television, leaflets, and radio. They will stimulate people to purchase unconsciously items, which is partly due to the stunning pictures as well as special effects. In conclusion, categorizing customers based on their age is an effective way to investigate their shopping habits. However, there are numbers of factors that could create the same impact on spending habits.
In this day and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, going shopping has become one of the most essential demands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
daily life. Each person has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
of purchasing products and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who suppose that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
are related
closest to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
of the buyers. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
play a vital role in making shopping decisions of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I
still
argue that there exist other factors affecting such decisions.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
shall tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
certain products that
are considered
appropriate to their mutual hobbies.
For example
, the youngsters between six and twelve years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
would like to possess toys such as cars or Barbie dolls; while the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have the inclination for the technological devices on which they can download the video games.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have relied on this feature to launch marketing campaigns that bring
Use "a billion" or use a number before 'billion'.
billion
dollars of profit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
other factors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
could have influences on buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the genders and media.

Regard to the sexes, in the example mentioned above, the young male and female children will not play similar toys as the other. The former
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
plays with the cars and the models of superheroes while the latter seems to spend most of their time with the dolls or plastic cooking appliances. In terms of the media, every resident
is inundated
with the
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
means of media like television, leaflets, and radio. They will stimulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
unconsciously
items, which is partly due to the stunning pictures
as well
as special effects.

In conclusion
, categorizing customers based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is an effective way to investigate their shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
.
However
, there are numbers of factors that could create the same impact on spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Last month you had a holiday overseas where you stayed with some friends They have just sent you some photos of your holiday Write a letter to your friends In your letter thank them for the photos and for the holiday explain why you didn t write earlier i v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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