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Describe a historical place that interest you. You should say: What it is, Where it is located, What you can see there now, Andexplain why this place is interesting. v.1

Describe a historical place that interest you. You should say: What it is, Where it is located, What you can see there now, Andexplain why this place is interesting. v. 1
It is undeniable that the world is now turned into a “Global Village”. One of its impacts is that people around the globe are exposed to the same products and services, and share similar habits. In my opinion, the advantages of this phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages. Globalization certainly has had some impact on indigenous cultures of many countries. However, I believe that this impact is largely harmless and at the same time, it has exposed these cultures to other cultures around the world. This is a great opportunity to learn and evolve. Also an understanding of foreign cultures benefits one when one has to travel abroad for work leisure. In other words, people exposed to other cultures can interact confidently with the locals whenever they travel abroad. They are also less likely to get culture shocks. Secondly, when everyone tends to have the same tastes in fashion or food, trade and tourism flourish. It creates more job opportunities. Also, when everyone looks and thinks alike, there are fewer chances for conflict. Wearing the same kind of clothes or eating the same kind of foods also protects people from many kinds of discrimination. In addition to this, the similarity in tastes helps both the consumers and the producers in the market. This is because manufacturers can sell their goods and services with ease in any part of the globe. This could encourage healthy competition and avoid any kind of domination in the market. As a result, consumers have access to plenty of choices and at the same time, manufacturers are forced to improve the quality of their products. In conclusion, although globalization has a small impact on customs and traditions, I firmly believe that it has improved the lifestyle of people all over the world by making quality products and services available everywhere. It also fosters understanding among people of different nations and ethnicities.
It is undeniable that the world is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
turned into a “Global Village”. One of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the globe
are exposed
to the same products and services, and share similar habits. In my opinion, the advantages of this phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages.

Globalization
certainly
has had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
on indigenous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
However
, I believe that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
is
largely
harmless and at the same time, it has exposed these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
around the world. This is a great opportunity to learn and evolve.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
an understanding of foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
benefits one when one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
travel abroad for work leisure.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exposed to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
can interact
confidently
with the locals whenever they travel abroad. They are
also
less likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
shocks.
Secondly
, when everyone tends to have the same tastes in fashion or food, trade and tourism flourish. It creates more job opportunities.
Also
, when everyone looks and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
alike, there are fewer chances for conflict. Wearing the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of clothes or eating the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of foods
also
protects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of discrimination.

In addition
to this, the similarity in tastes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
both the consumers and the producers in the market. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
manufacturers can sell their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
in any part of the globe. This could encourage healthy competition and avoid any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of domination in the market.
As a result
, consumers have access to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of choices and at the same time, manufacturers
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of their products.

In conclusion
, although globalization has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
on customs and traditions, I
firmly
believe that it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world by making quality products and services available everywhere. It
also
fosters understanding among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations and ethnicities.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe a historical place that interest you. You should say: What it is, Where it is located, What you can see there now, Andexplain why this place is interesting. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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