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Some people prefer to read paper books. While others prefer to read eBooks. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Some people prefer to read paper books. While others prefer to read eBooks. v. 1
It is an irrefutable fact that holiday plays a crucial role in one's life. Few individuals propound that the amount of holiday time should be varied depending on the roles of people. I am in complete agreement with the statement because of the reason that people who work in extreme state should get a more amount of break and the people who work on daily jobs should be given a week based off. To start with, People those who work in diversely severe conditions, which are utterly endemic to their role, such as adverse climate, remote locations, and extremely dangerous tropics should be given a higher amount of break. That is to say, these people who ought to spend several months at a stretch without taking any day-off had to be credited with a quarter-off based on their interest. In addition, these long holidays will certainly help these people to spend their time with their family, friends, and relatives; and also to rejuvenate themselves for continuing their assignments further. For instance, In 2017 Japan introduced a three-month break period for their armed forces which resulted in better work-life balance and harmony among them. Another reason for my opinion is that the desk-based job people such as teachers, computer engineers, doctors, and office assistants, who undertake the job day-in and day-out tirelessly with enormous continuity, had to be given a weekly-off in a year. In other words, these people had to go through strenuous working hours in a week are often falling ill due to the reason that they could not find enough holiday time to spend time on vacations. Not unless the governments announce a desired week-off for all those working individuals, should they expect efficient productivity from these working class people. In conclusion, I agree that it is pivotal for working class people to get different vacation off based on their work activities. As these holidays are proving to be key for their well-being and also better productivity in their performance.
It is an irrefutable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
plays a crucial role in one's life. Few individuals propound that the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should
be varied
depending on the roles of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I am in complete agreement with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in extreme state should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a more amount of break and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on daily jobs should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a week based off.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
diversely
severe conditions, which are
utterly
endemic to their role, such as adverse climate, remote locations, and
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
tropics should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a higher amount of break.
That is
to say, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
ought to spend several months at a stretch without taking any day-off had to
be credited
with a quarter-off based on their interest.
In addition
, these long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
will
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family, friends, and relatives; and
also
to rejuvenate themselves for continuing their assignments
further
.
For instance
, In 2017 Japan introduced a three-month break period for their armed forces which resulted in better work-life balance and harmony among them.

Another reason for my opinion is that the desk-based job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as teachers, computer engineers, doctors, and office assistants,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
undertake the job day-in and day-out
tirelessly
with enormous continuity, had to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a weekly-off in a year.
In other words
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had to go through strenuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours in a week are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
falling ill due to the reason that they could not find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on vacations. Not unless the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
announce a desired week-off for all those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
individuals, should they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
efficient productivity from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is pivotal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
vacation off based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
activities. As these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
are proving to be key for their well-being and
also
better productivity in their performance.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to read paper books. While others prefer to read eBooks. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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