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Describe an interesting historic place. You should say: what is itwhere is it locatedwhat you can see there nowand explain why this place is interesting v.1

Describe an interesting historic place. You should say: what is itwhere is it locatedwhat you can see there nowand explain why this place is interesting v. 1
The question of how much information relevant to various areas of scientific and academic research should be shared is becoming more and more important as the pace of technological innovation quickens and the internet allows for instant collaboration. In my opinion, information is a valuable, potentially dangerous asset and should only be shared freely in particular circumstances. Advocates of freely sharing information rightly argue that collaboration leads to faster results. This applies to scientists, who can help each by offering their individual research results, businesses, which can work together as long as they are not competitors on advertising or product development, as well as academics, who need fresh perspectives to push their work to higher plateaus. Take for example the potential for sharing information in the business world. Google has built their successful advertising business by working together with various companies and sharing information. Google collects a variety of statistics related to users including their location and interests. This information is shared with advertisers who can then better target ads for users. It allows the consumer to see more relevant products and services and the companies advertising to target their audience more efficiently. While there are decided advantages like the one mentioned above, information is still a valuable asset that individuals and companies should safeguard. In a perfect world, we might expect people to openly share everything they know but the social and economic constructions of our actual world make this a naive proposition. One interesting example of this is from a recent news article about Elon Musk where he explained why his rocket company SpaceX does not apply for patents on any new technology. He reasoned that his main competitors are governments, not private companies. If his company discloses its innovations then domestic and foreign governments can take advantage of the shared technology and potentially disrupt his business. This is just one example of how sharing can prove damaging in a capitalist society. In conclusion, though sharing might be a valid standpoint in a perfect world, it is not feasible under current global conditions. Instead of looking to increase sharing, governments should do more to support innovative companies and researchers. This will have a larger overall impact.
The question of how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
relevant to various areas of scientific and academic research should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shared
is becoming more and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as the pace of technological innovation quickens and the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
for instant collaboration. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is a valuable,
potentially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
asset and should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shared
freely
in particular
circumstances.

Advocates of
freely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
rightly
argue that collaboration leads to faster results. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
applies to
scientists, who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each by offering their individual research results,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
, which can work together as long as they are not competitors on advertising or product development,
as well
as academics, who need fresh perspectives to push their work to higher plateaus. Take
for example
the potential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. Google has built their successful advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
by working together with various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. Google collects a variety of statistics related to users including their location and interests. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shared
with advertisers who can then better target ads for users. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the consumer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
more relevant products and services and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
advertising to target their audience more
efficiently
.

While there
are decided
advantages like the one mentioned above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is
still
a valuable asset that individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should safeguard. In a perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, we might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
openly
share everything they know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the social and economic constructions of our actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this a naive proposition. One interesting example of this is from a recent news article about Elon Musk where he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
why his rocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
SpaceX does not apply for patents on any new technology. He reasoned that his main competitors are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
, not private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. If his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
discloses its innovations then domestic and foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can take advantage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shared
technology and
potentially
disrupt his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one example of how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
can prove damaging in a capitalist society.

In conclusion
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
might be a valid standpoint in a perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, it is not feasible under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
global conditions.
Instead
of looking to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sharing
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should do more to support innovative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and researchers. This will have a larger
overall
impact.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Describe an interesting historic place. You should say: what is itwhere is it locatedwhat you can see there nowand explain why this place is interesting v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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