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Describe a difficult experience and how you overcome it. Include details and examples in your explanation v.1

Describe a difficult experience and how you overcome it. Include details and examples in your explanation v. 1
It is sometimes argued that the wage is the most significant factor when an individual choosing a job in order to make merit to subsidy their family. Personally, I concede that earning a decent salary is crucial to one’s well-being, however, other criteria play an equal role. On the one hand, I advocate that income is indispensable in order for people to meet their basic needs. Only when people had a prosperous life, do they become truly happy. Nowadays, with the radical increase of cost of living, only by a huge size of a person’s earnings, can they have sufficient money to allocate for accommodations, health care and education. Moreover, employees who can negotiate for a decent salary always adept at working and have more superiorities than others. In other words, a person’s success, to a large extent, contingents on the size of their salary. On the other hand, there are two main factors that are equitably principal with what we earn in our jobs. Firstly, relationships with co – workers are extremely important when one decides whether a job is worth pursuing. For instance, having a veteran manager and friendly colleagues not only can we advance ourself, but we also have a flexible atmosphere in a workplace. Furthermore, knowledge and experience one acquires from the job will be another criteria which contribute to professional attainments. For example, many millennia are prone to volunteer work instead of a temporary job to have more practical experience and gain social knowledge which not any firms or schools can we learn from. In conclusion, although salaries certainly affect ‘s people‘s life, other considerations such as personal relationships at work place or skills they obtain are equally pivotal.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that the wage is the most significant factor when an individual choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
merit to subsidy their family.
Personally
, I concede that earning a decent salary is crucial to one’s well-being,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
criteria play an equal role.

On the one hand, I advocate that income is indispensable in order for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their basic needs.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had a prosperous life, do they become
truly
happy. Nowadays, with the radical increase of cost of living,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by a huge size of a person’s earnings, can they have sufficient money to allocate for accommodations, health care and education.
Moreover
, employees who can negotiate for a decent salary always adept at working and have more
Possible spelling mistake found.
superiorities
than others. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, a person’s success, to a large extent, contingents on the size of their salary.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are two main factors that are
equitably
principal with what we earn in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Firstly
, relationships with
A dash was used instead of a hyphen. Did you mean: "co-workers".
co – workers
are
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
when one decides whether a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is worth pursuing.
For instance
, having a veteran manager and friendly colleagues not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can we advance
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
ourself
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
also
have a flexible atmosphere in a workplace.
Furthermore
, knowledge and experience one acquires from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will be another criteria which contribute to professional attainments.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
millennia are prone to volunteer work
instead
of a temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to have more practical experience and gain social knowledge which not any firms or schools can we learn from.

In conclusion
, although salaries
certainly
affect ‘s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
‘s life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
considerations such as personal relationships at work place or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
they obtain are
equally
pivotal.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Describe a difficult experience and how you overcome it. Include details and examples in your explanation v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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