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Describe a custom from your country that you would like people from other countries to adopt Explain your choice using specific reasons and examples v.2

Describe a custom from your country that you would like people from other countries to adopt Explain your choice using specific reasons and examples v. 2
Every nation in this world is different from others in terms of culture, religions, languages and custom traditions. Every citizen takes pride in the traditional cultural values and customs of his or her native country; this feeling is further accentuated when an individual migrates to a foreign land. Once on a holiday vaccation to Australia, I was able to distinguish the vast dissimilarities in the customs of Australian culture and Indian culture( which is my native place). One custom from India which I would like people from other countries to adopt is the tradition of living in joint familes. In India people prefer to live in joint families where all the children, grandchildern, and parents live with peace and harmony under one roof. In other countries, on the other hand, culture of nuclear familes is more prevalent. Living together with fellow relatives strengthens the personal bond among family members and there is greater peace and affection among people. This also results in less number of conflicts and disputes among family members and even if a few of them do occur, there are other senior family members to help in amicably resolving those issues. On the other side in nuclear familes, people are hardly connected with their fellow relatives and there are huge differences, disputes like property, land, money etc. among family members. Also most of the time in nuclear familes, people are no longer under the tutelage of their parents who can help them in maintaining accord and unity among family members like in joint familes. Also, in joint familes people come together at the time of emergency and are readily available to help their fellow relative who is in the state of despair. For example, once in my family, my cousin sister had an road accident. The emergency operation immediately demanded a deposit of Rupees two lakh in the hospital. My uncle, who has a nominal income, was unable to arrange for this huge sum of money in such a short of time. At that moment, all family members united together and individually contributed Rupees 10, 000 for the operation and hence with the coherent effort of all the family members and my uncle, the desired amount was arranged and finally operation was conducted sucessfully. Similarly in other emergency or problems like financial problems, moral and society issues etc. members of the joint family gives an individual the strength and courage needed to fight that situationand also help as far as suitable and possible. To conclude, I would like advocate the Indian culture of living together in joint familes in the foreign countries as family members live together happily with unity under one roof. Also joint familes are more happy and united at the time of hardships, which helps us to fight those situations and emrge out as winners.
Every nation in this world is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from others in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, religions, languages and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
custom
traditions. Every citizen takes pride in the traditional cultural values and customs of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
; this feeling is
further
accentuated when an individual migrates to a foreign land. Once on a holiday
Possible spelling mistake found.
vaccation
to Australia, I was able to distinguish the vast dissimilarities in the customs of Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and Indian culture
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
which is my native place). One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
custom
from India which I would like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to adopt is the tradition of living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
Possible spelling mistake found.
familes
.

In India
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
where all the children,
Possible spelling mistake found.
grandchildern
, and parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with peace and harmony under one roof. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of nuclear
Possible spelling mistake found.
familes
is more prevalent. Living together with fellow relatives strengthens the personal bond among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
and there is greater peace and affection among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This
also
results in less number of conflicts and disputes among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
and even if a few of them do occur, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in
amicably
resolving those issues. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side in nuclear
Possible spelling mistake found.
familes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are hardly connected with their fellow relatives and there are huge differences, disputes like property, land, money etc. among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in nuclear
Possible spelling mistake found.
familes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are no longer under the tutelage of their parents who can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in maintaining accord and unity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
like in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
Possible spelling mistake found.
familes
.

Also
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
Possible spelling mistake found.
familes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of emergency and are
readily
available to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their fellow relative who is in the state of despair.
For example
, once in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, my cousin sister had
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
road accident. The emergency operation immediately demanded a deposit of Rupees two lakh in the hospital. My uncle, who has a nominal income, was unable to arrange for this huge sum of money in such a short of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. At that moment, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
united together and
individually
contributed Rupees 10, 000 for the operation and
hence
with the coherent effort of all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
and my uncle, the desired amount
was arranged
and
finally
operation
was conducted
Possible spelling mistake found.
sucessfully
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
emergency or problems like financial problems, moral and society issues etc.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
gives an individual the strength and courage needed to fight that
Possible spelling mistake found.
situationand
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
as far as suitable and possible.

To conclude
, I would like advocate the Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of living together in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
Possible spelling mistake found.
familes
in the foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together
happily
with unity under one roof.
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
Possible spelling mistake found.
familes
are more happy and united at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of hardships, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
us to fight those situations and
Possible spelling mistake found.
emrge
out as winners.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
59Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe a custom from your country that you would like people from other countries to adopt Explain your choice using specific reasons and examples v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
470 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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