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Computer technologies are more accessible and cheaper, as a result, more adults work at home and children learn at home. Is this a positive or negative development? v.2

Computer technologies are more accessible and cheaper, as a result, more adults work at home and children learn at home. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2
The internet era is witnessing a dramatic change in the ways people work or study, in which a face-to-face group interaction is no longer a necessity. People can work and study at places they feel most comfortable, such as homes. I firmly believe it is a positive development that will benefit the individual and the society as a whole. First, this in-home work or study pattern offer the much sought-after freedom and flexibility that a conventional work or study pattern usually fall short of. One of the reasons that many people hate work or study is their rigid nine-to-five routine, whereas the renewed work and study style enable a personal choice of when to start, when to finish and the pace, as long as a overall deadline is met and a planned goal is realized. People even can do some great traveling as the work or study proceed. Second, instead of a complete replacement of the traditional work or learning style, the in-home style work or study are a constructive and significant addition. It equips the bosses and educators with more diversified means to elastically design and execute the whole programme. The work or study process can be naturally extended to people' s whole life, evolving into a personalized lifestyle. That is definitely a win-win development for both parties when the traditional face-to-face style can be coupled with the on-line in-home one. Last but not the least, from a much broader perspective, in-home work or study style, while potentially cut individuals huge break from a rote lifestyle, weave the whole world into a ever more closely-linked and fairer community. Knowledge and ideas can be more easily and unrestrainedly spread and shared globally, for the geographical barrier is no longer a fatal problem. People, especially the unprivileged and marginalized, have more access to jobs and education, as a result, once unleveled play field becomes more and more leveled. It is totally a foreseeable scenario that one day, people from all the corners of the world work or study on-line together in their respective homes. Self-employment and self-learning is a trend of the digital age. It may have yet to attain its perfection, but it is an unstoppable and noble one. It brings about the infinite possibility for individual and societal betterment at the same time. So, without doubt, the style of in-home work and study is a positive development, gaining traction, popularity and eventually dominance in the world.
The internet era is witnessing a dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the ways
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, in which a face-to-face group interaction is no longer a necessity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at places they feel most comfortable, such as homes. I
firmly
believe it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development that will benefit the individual and the society as a whole.

First
, this in-home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
pattern offer the much sought-after freedom and flexibility that a conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
pattern
usually
fall short of. One of the reasons that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is their rigid nine-to-five routine, whereas the renewed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
enable a personal choice of when to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
, when to finish and the pace, as long as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
overall
deadline
is met
and a planned goal
is realized
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
even can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
great traveling as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
proceed.

Second,
instead
of a complete replacement of the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
, the in-home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
are a constructive and significant addition. It equips the bosses and educators with more diversified means to
elastically
design and execute the whole
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
process can be
naturally
extended to
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s whole life, evolving into a personalized lifestyle.
That is
definitely a win-win development for both parties when the traditional face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
can
be coupled
with the on-line in-home one.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, from a much broader perspective, in-home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
, while
potentially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
individuals huge break from a rote lifestyle, weave the whole world into
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
ever more
closely
-linked and fairer community. Knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
can be more
easily
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
unrestrainedly
spread and shared globally, for the geographical barrier is no longer a fatal problem.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
,
especially
the unprivileged and marginalized, have more access to jobs and education,
as a result
, once
Possible spelling mistake found.
unleveled
play field becomes more and more leveled. It is
totally
a foreseeable scenario that one day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all the corners of the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
on-line together in their respective homes.

Self-employment and self-learning is a trend of the digital age. It may have
yet
to attain its perfection,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is an unstoppable and noble one. It brings about the infinite possibility for individual and societal betterment at the same time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, without doubt, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
of in-home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development, gaining traction, popularity and
eventually
dominance in the world.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Computer technologies are more accessible and cheaper, as a result, more adults work at home and children learn at home. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
407 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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