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Describe a custom from your country that you would like people from other countries to adopt. v.4

Describe a custom from your country that you would like people from other countries to adopt. v. 4
In our modern and stressful world, we often forget about our customs and traditions. The modern technologies and easy of digital entertainment have occurred even faster. However, I think that people should keep their traditions because they help to remember our forefathers and value the beautiful moments we have in our lives. In my country, we have a great custom called "Maslenica". It is a holiday, which is celebrated at the end of the winter. Many people gather on the biggest square of the city and see of the winter. They say to the winter good-bye and ask the spring to change the winter. They celebrate the beginning of the life when everything starts to grow. People on this holiday baked pancakes and treated each other with them. Also, many people gathered on the square and played different games. For example, the most well-known game "pulling a rope" subsists in that two teams pull a rope. The winner is the team would be whatever side has a longer rope. Other people crawl on the icy pole. People have fun at this holiday even if they just observe those games and do not participate. In conclusion, I am sure that "Maslenica" would benefit many countries all over the world. People have the opportunity to relax, leave their troubles and worries behind and have fun. Also, this holiday helps people to find out more about each other, communicate and meet new people. In addition to those practical benefits, "Maslenica" helps people to slow down their life pace and enjoy the present moments that are irreplaceable and beautiful.
In our modern and stressful world, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
forget about our customs and traditions. The modern technologies and easy of digital entertainment have occurred even faster.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their traditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to remember our forefathers and value the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
moments we have in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In my country, we have a great custom called
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maslenica
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. It is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
, which
is celebrated
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winter
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gather on the biggest square of the city and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winter
. They say to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
-bye and ask the spring to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winter
. They celebrate the beginning of the life when everything
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to grow.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
baked pancakes and treated each other with them.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gathered on the square and played
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
games.
For example
, the most well-known game
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
pulling a rope
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
subsists in that two teams pull a rope. The winner is the team would be whatever side has a longer rope. Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
crawl on the icy pole.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have fun at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
even if they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
observe those games and do not participate.

In conclusion
, I am sure that
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maslenica
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
would benefit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries all over the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have the opportunity to relax,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their troubles and worries behind and have fun.
Also
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find out more about each other, communicate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
to those practical benefits,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maslenica
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to slow down their life pace and enjoy the present moments that are irreplaceable and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe a custom from your country that you would like people from other countries to adopt. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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