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There is nothing that young people can teach older people. v.1

There is nothing that young people can teach older people. v. 1
Older people are generally believed to have better experiences and practical views about life than the young generation. Albeit that, I disagree with the view that young people have nothing to teach them. First of all, young people can adopt technology faster and they can teach their seniors how to use these technologies to improve lifestyle. For instance, I have noticed several times that my 10 years old nephew was teaching my grandfather how to use Facebook, how to operate a digital camera, where to search for a particular information on the internet and lots of such things. So obviously my grandfather learned from my nephew and there are such many technological aspects young people can teach the older ones. Secondly, youths know the changes and trends of the current world better than older persons and that’s something they can share with the aged people. For instance, my sister who is a sophomore shares numerous information with my father and aunt regarding the politics, social progress, roles of Government, policy changes etc. and to me, my sister seems to be well informed than my father and aunt regarding the current affairs. From my experience, I can see that older people have a better experience and they can advice what are the correct things to do. In certain sectors, like research, teaching, banking etc. they are performing far better than young employees. But the sectors where the innovation and hardworking are required, young people prone to do better. In my opinion, there are yet tonnes of things that the older people can learn from young people including technologies where the young people always excel than the elder generation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
generally
believed to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
experiences and practical views about life than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation. Albeit that, I disagree with the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have nothing to teach them.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can adopt technology
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
faster and
they can teach their seniors how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these technologies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
lifestyle.
For instance
, I have noticed several times that my 10 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
nephew was teaching my grandfather how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Facebook, how to operate a digital camera, where to search for
'information' is a mass noun (i.e., uncountable). Therefore, the preceding 'a' is probably wrong.
a particular information
on the internet and lots of such things.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
obviously
my grandfather learned from my nephew and there are such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
technological aspects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
ones.

Secondly
, youths know the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and trends of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
persons and that’s something they can share with the aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, my sister who is a sophomore shares numerous information with my father and aunt regarding the politics, social progress, roles of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
, policy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
etc. and to me, my sister seems to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well informed
than my father and aunt regarding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs.

From my experience, I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
experience and
they can
The word 'advise' is a noun. Did you mean "advise" (verb)?
advice
what are the correct things to do. In certain sectors, like research, teaching, banking etc. they are performing far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
employees.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the sectors where the innovation and hardworking
are required
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prone to do better.

In my opinion, there are
yet
tonnes of things that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
including technologies where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always excel than the elder generation.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay There is nothing that young people can teach older people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
277 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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