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Dancing plays an important role in a culture. v.2

Dancing plays an important role in a culture. v. 2
First of all, the reason why dancing of a particular country is so unique is because many art forms are put together. People need music, costumes, singers to perform, players and of cause dancers. Each of these art forms is unique and singular for every country. In old times people gathered to celebrate or mourn and every occasion had its own music and costumes. For example, ancient tribes painted their faces with ugly and strange patterns, put on colourful clothes and make strange movements around the fireplace. Secondly, dancing is a combination of body movements that are peculiar to every nation. People of different nations have different bodily movements because dancing is one of the first means of communication. People differently express their feelings such as happiness, sadness, joy and sorrow through movements of their bodies. Every country has a different famous dancing style that represents its culture and custom. The traditional dancers wear dresses according to the country’s own heritage and this costume is a part of the tradition of the country too. To sum up, I think that dancing keeps people's traditions alive through the ages.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dancing
of a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
unique is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
art forms
are put
together.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
need music, costumes, singers to perform, players and
Did you mean "of course" (=naturally)?
of cause
dancers. Each of these art forms is unique and singular for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gathered to celebrate or mourn and every occasion had its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
music and costumes.
For example
, ancient tribes painted their faces with ugly and strange patterns, put on
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
clothes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
strange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movements
around the fireplace.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dancing
is a combination of body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movements
that are peculiar to every nation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
bodily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dancing
is one of the
first
means of communication.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
differently
express their feelings such as happiness, sadness, joy and sorrow through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movements
of their bodies. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dancing
style that represents its culture and custom. The traditional dancers wear dresses according to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
heritage and this costume is a part of the tradition of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
too.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dancing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's traditions alive through the ages.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Dancing plays an important role in a culture. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
188 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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