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Some people use technology to take advice for their medical problems rather than seeing to doctor. Why this is so. It is positive or negative development according to you. v.1

Some people use technology to take advice for their medical problems rather than seeing to doctor. Why this is so. It is positive or negative development according to you. v. 1
Owing to the technological advancement, there is a colossal change in the field of medicine in a positive way. In my opinion, seeking advice from experts through internet instead visiting doctors in person is beneficial in a lot of ways for the individual and the society. There are myriad of arguments in favour of my stance. The most preponderant one is that, the process of getting the solution for the ailments is easy and less time consuming. However, people often wait in queues for long hours to meet doctors in hospitals, and also, they may ought to travel which is certainly tedious for a patient, which is not the scenario in the online process. Another significant aspect of this trend is that, people have been charged hefty fees to interact personally with medical officers by hospitals. In addition, these institutions treating this as a business and come up with lot of laboratory tests which are not essential. Whereas, online experts advice sick people with free of cost. Thus, it is lucrative to the individuals and the society. Finally, the exposure and knowledge related to their sickness will be conspicuous while they surf the internet. Furthermore, they may get some imperative information about the recent advancements in the treatment techniques for some deadly diseases like cancer in advance, before even reaching doctors in remote countries. In view of the arguments outlined above, one can conclude that the demerits of online doctors and seeking their advice are indeed too great to ignore.
Owing to the technological advancement, there is a colossal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the field of medicine in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way. In my opinion, seeking advice from experts through internet
instead
visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
in person is beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
ways for the individual and the society.

There are myriad of arguments in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of my stance. The most preponderant one is that, the process of getting the solution for the ailments is easy and less
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
wait in queues for long hours to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
in hospitals, and
also
, they may ought to travel which is
certainly
tedious for a patient, which is not the scenario in the online process.

Another significant aspect of this trend is that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
been charged
hefty fees to interact
personally
with medical officers by hospitals.
In addition
, these institutions treating this as a business and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
laboratory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
which are not essential.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, online
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "experts'" or "expert's"?
experts
advice sick
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with free of cost.
Thus
, it is lucrative to the individuals and the society.

Finally
, the exposure and knowledge related to their sickness will be conspicuous while they surf the internet.
Furthermore
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
imperative information about the recent advancements in the treatment techniques for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
deadly diseases like cancer in advance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
even reaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
in remote countries.

In view of the arguments outlined above, one can conclude that the demerits of online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and seeking their advice are
indeed
too great to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people use technology to take advice for their medical problems rather than seeing to doctor. Why this is so. It is positive or negative development according to you. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
250 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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