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Nowadays, most people try to achieve a balance between work and other parts of their lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this balance. What are the problems which prevent them? Suggest some solutions. v.3

Nowadays, most people try to achieve a balance between work and other parts of their lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this balance. What are the problems which prevent them? Suggest some solutions. v. 3
The balance between work and other aspects of lives is something that many people recently desire to gain. Moreover, there are issues that tend to stop individuals from actualizing it and the essay below will elaborate on that, as it also highlights on the possible solutions to them. Firstly, many companies set a very high target for their employees. People strive on not losing their jobs because of a failed goal and so, they are willing to give up on other parts of their lives like the socialization in order to achieve their aim at the workplace. For instance, many bankers are known to miss social events like birthday parties because they are busy trying to make ends meet at work. However, if the employers give the workers less targets, they will be able to create more time to attend to other aspects of life. In addition, promotions at the office has become a thing of competition. Also, to get promoted, most managers expect the juniors to put in more working hours. This will greatly affect the other sides of living since it will create a less chance for it. A good example is how more people are ready to take up extra time in the production industries just because, they want to appear very committed and thereby getting a promotion. This will deprive them of enough time together with their loved ones. Again, to discourage that, industries should base their promotion on the quality and not the quantity of job that is done by their employees. If this is done, it will reduce the pressure on the people for taking more extra hours. To conclude, the ability to handle effectively the work and life balance is important. Therefore, most factors hindering its success like the fight for promotion and targets should be better applied in order to increase the chance of a positive outcome.
The balance between work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is something that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
recently desire to gain.
Moreover
, there are issues that tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
individuals from actualizing it and the essay below will elaborate on that, as it
also
highlights on the possible solutions to them.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
set a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high target for their employees.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
strive on not losing their jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a failed goal and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they are willing to give up on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
parts of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
like the socialization in order to achieve their aim at the workplace.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
bankers
are known
to miss social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like birthday parties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are busy trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
at work.
However
, if the employers give the workers less targets, they will be able to create more time to attend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects of life.

In addition
, promotions at the office has become a thing of competition.
Also
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promoted, most managers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
the juniors to put in more working hours. This will
greatly
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sides of living since it will create a less chance for it. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is how more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are ready to take up extra time in the production industries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they want to appear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
committed and thereby getting a promotion. This will deprive them of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time together with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. Again, to discourage that, industries should base their promotion on the quality and not the quantity of job that
is done
by their employees. If this
is done
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the pressure on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for taking more extra hours.

To conclude
, the ability to handle
effectively
the work and life balance is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Therefore
, most factors hindering its success like the fight for promotion and targets should be better applied in order to increase the chance of a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcome.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Nowadays, most people try to achieve a balance between work and other parts of their lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this balance. What are the problems which prevent them? Suggest some solutions. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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