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Cultures and traditions change from generation to generation. Why does this happen? What can be done to change it? v.2

Cultures and traditions change from generation to generation. Why does this happen? What can be done to change it? v. 2
It is argued that cultures and traditions have been changing with every generation. This is happening because of people moving to nuclear families from joint families and to change this trend the government can conduct seminars or campaigns to educate people about the benefits of living in joint families. The main reason for this trend is that people these days do not want to live in joint families with old people rather they live alone. In other words, grandparents are the ones who can pass the traditional and cultural values to their grandchildren because the current generation might not know what their family beliefs and values are. Therefore, children do not get the opportunity to learn traditions and cultures from their grandparents. For example, according to a study in the year 2016 by the Guardian, there is a 30% increase in people living in nuclear families in India in the last 10 years. The most viable solution to this problem is that the government should arrange campaigns or seminars to highlight the advantages of living in joint families. That is to say that the government can encourage people through public awareness campaigns at workplaces. As a result, grandparents can pass the traditional values of the family to their grandchildren. To cite an example, a similar initiative taken by some states in India such as Punjab and this resulted in a 20 % increase in children who have more knowledge about their traditions and cultures. In conclusion, cultures and traditions are changing with new generations. This is happening because of people living in nuclear families rather than in joint families with their elders and this can be changed through seminars about the merits of living in joint families.
It
is argued
that cultures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
have been changing with every generation. This is happening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
moving to nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this trend the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can conduct seminars or campaigns to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
families.

The main reason for this trend is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rather
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone.
In other words
, grandparents are the ones who can pass the traditional and cultural values to their grandchildren
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation might not know what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
beliefs and values are.
Therefore
, children do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
and cultures from their grandparents.
For example
, according to a study in the year 2016 by the Guardian, there is a 30% increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in India in the last 10 years.

The most viable solution to this problem is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should arrange campaigns or seminars to highlight the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
families.

That is
to say that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through public awareness campaigns at workplaces.
As a result
, grandparents can pass the traditional values of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to their grandchildren. To cite an example, a similar initiative taken by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
states in India such as Punjab and this resulted in a 20 % increase in children who have more knowledge about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
and cultures.

In conclusion
, cultures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
are changing with new generations. This is happening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
rather
than in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
with their elders and this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
through seminars about the merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Cultures and traditions change from generation to generation. Why does this happen? What can be done to change it? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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