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Culture is turning similar around the world. What are reasons? What are the positive and negative aspects? v.5

Culture is turning similar around the world. What are reasons? What are the positive and negative aspects? v. 5
In the past, the world had different culture; however, these days culture has influenced other traditional customs as if people are celebrating one culture in the whole world. Globalization and dependency are the contributing factor behind this. There are several advantages and disadvantages behind this scenario. To begin with, people prefer to celebrate similar things, so that one corner of the world has the same attitude towards convention and genre as the other part of the world. For example, in European countries, people celebrate Christmas, Easter Sunday, and New Year. Similarly, in Asian terrains, young and older people love to enjoy the moment at the same time. The reason is that people would love to rely on others. To cite an instance, Asians can not produce such as electronic items, transports and chemicals, while Asian people can provide them agricultural goods. As they interact with each other for business purpose, they have taken the culture from each other. The first positive aspect is that people are showing a sense of unity which helps them to communicate with the business people and also teaches us to make stronger relationships among people whether they are African, or, whether, they are Asian. Moreover, celebrating same culture succours people to reduce the distance between people, which not only make them friendly, but also enrich them with the same knowledge. The negative aspect is that if people celebrate same tradition, there would be no variety among nation. Consequently, the different shade of colour of various festivals would fade, for instance, if New year becomes one fiesta in the world, other cultural festivals would extinct like Arabic's New year "Maharrum". Furthermore, we would see one day, people are wearing same costumes, eating same foods, et Cetra. In conclusion, culture makes the whole globe in one colour which is only for the relying attitude and globalization that has both merits and demerits mentioned above.
In the past, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
;
however
, these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
has influenced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
traditional customs as if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are celebrating one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. Globalization and dependency are the contributing factor behind this. There are several advantages and disadvantages behind this scenario.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to celebrate similar things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that one corner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has the same attitude towards convention and genre as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
For example
, in European countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
celebrate Christmas, Easter Sunday, and New Year.
Similarly
, in Asian terrains, young and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to enjoy the moment at the same time. The reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to rely on others. To cite an instance, Asians can not produce such as electronic items, transports and chemicals, while Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can provide them agricultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. As they interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
for business purpose, they have taken the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
from each other.

The
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are showing a sense of unity which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to communicate with the business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
also
teaches us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
stronger relationships among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whether they are African, or, whether, they are Asian.
Moreover
, celebrating same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
Possible spelling mistake found.
succours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the distance between
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people
, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them friendly,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enrich them with the same knowledge. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect is that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
celebrate same tradition, there would be no variety among nation.
Consequently
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
shade of
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
of various festivals would fade,
for instance
, if New year becomes one fiesta in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultural festivals would extinct like Arabic's New year
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maharrum
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
Furthermore
, we would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
one day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are wearing same costumes, eating same foods,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cetra
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the whole globe in one
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the
The verb 'to rely' requires the preposition '(up)on': "relying on".
relying
attitude and globalization that has both merits and demerits mentioned above.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Culture is turning similar around the world. What are reasons? What are the positive and negative aspects? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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