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Crime is a big problem in the world; and many believe that nothing can be done to prevent it. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion. v.2

Crime is a big problem in the world; and many believe that nothing can be done to prevent it. Give your own opinion. v. 2
In recent years, it can be discerned that crime rates have increased dramatically across the globe. Many people argue that there is no solution to this pressing problem. In my opinion the aforementioned statement is completely preposterous and various methods can be used to combat crimes. To begin with, certain demographics of society believe that with ever increasing offense rate the law system has become exhausted and hope of justice is nil. The reason behind this ideology is the fact that a large number of crimes go unnoticed. With the advancement of technology offences like cyber abuse and hacking has become highly prevalent and is often committed by juvenile individuals. The law against such offenses haven’t been established strongly till date. Furthermore, law system has a large number of loopholes due to the presence of corrupted individuals in the higher positions who use bribery to close down cases. Corruption at work places is another punishable offense which doesn’t receive sufficient penalty. As a result, often times justice is not prevailed, especially when it involves a powerful and influential offender. On the other hand, it cannot be disputed that with increased offense rates new and better methods to eradicate crimes have also been developed. For instance, drivers who fail to abide by the traffic rules are penalized monetarily, this urges people to follow the regulations strictly. Government workers and lawmakers of our nation are the key players in tackling this matter. They can begin by introducing unbendable anti-corruption laws. A long-term approach can be utilized by educating children and general population regarding the adverse effects of crimes towards the society and the serious consequences faced by the offender. In conclusion, indeed crime is an issue that needs urgent attention. United effort and adequate public education is an absolute imperative to handle this issue.
In recent years, it can
be discerned
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates have increased
dramatically
across the globe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that there is no solution to this pressing problem. In my opinion the aforementioned statement is completely preposterous and various methods can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to combat crimes.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, certain demographics of society believe that with
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offense
rate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
system has become exhausted and hope of justice is nil. The reason behind this ideology is the fact that
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
go unnoticed. With the advancement of technology
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
like cyber abuse and hacking has become
highly
prevalent and is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
committed by juvenile individuals. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
against such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenses
haven’t
been established
strongly
till date.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
system has
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
loopholes due to the presence of corrupted individuals in the higher positions who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
bribery to close down cases. Corruption at work places is another punishable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offense
which doesn’t receive sufficient penalty.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
times justice is not prevailed,
especially
when it involves a powerful and influential offender.

On the other hand
, it cannot
be disputed
that with increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offense
rates new and better methods to eradicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
have
also
been developed
.
For instance
, drivers who fail to abide by the traffic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
are penalized
monetarily
, this urges
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to follow the regulations
strictly
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
workers and lawmakers of our nation are the key players in tackling this matter. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
by introducing
Possible spelling mistake found.
unbendable
anti-corruption
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
. A long-term approach can
be utilized
by educating children and general population regarding the adverse effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
towards the society and the serious consequences faced by the offender.

In conclusion
,
indeed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is an issue that needs urgent attention. United effort and adequate public education is an absolute imperative to handle this issue.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Crime is a big problem in the world; and many believe that nothing can be done to prevent it. Give your own opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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