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Creative artists should always have the freedom to express their ideas in any way they wish. The government should not restrict what they do. To what extent do you agree with this opinion. v.2

Creative artists should always have the freedom to express their ideas in any way they wish. The government should not restrict what they do. v. 2
The artists have brought a considerable change for the improvement of a nation. Hence, the liberty should always devote the creative artists in order to express their concepts to people in any method as they want. Therefore, the authority should encourage them instead of prohibiting their works. I completely agree with this view of devoting right to the artists to express their notions by the elected officials. First of all, it is an undeniable fact that a creative person has the power to combat for justice. This is because these days, people have to face various social issues such as rape, domestic violence and murder. In addition, creative artists can spread awareness via using own's creativity and motivate the people to speak against such violence. For instance, in India, artists had composed a song against the rape of 12 year old girl. This song not only gain the popularity, but also enforce the law to take firsthand actions. As a result, she had got justice, which is only possible by an artist diligence. Furthermore, although the creative artists do not acquire sufficient amenities from the legislation, they can accelerate the national economy. Because artists conserve the culture, tradition, sculpture of a country in the museum and art -gallery. Hence, the tourists arrive to explore diverse cultures which increase job employment, especially in the tourism fields and rise economic status of a nation. To illustrate, masses work as a translator and tourist guide to support the holidaymakers which not only improve their communication skills, but also rise the demand of creative persons tremendously at a global level. Hence, the lawmaker stimulates the artist's work by providing medals to them rather than restricting on their freedom to show their thoughts. In conclusion, the creative individual's determination and diligent should be praised by the governments in order to create awareness among public and expand the prosperity of the state.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
have brought a considerable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
for the improvement of a nation.
Hence
, the liberty should always devote the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
in order to express their concepts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in any method as they want.
Therefore
, the authority should encourage them
instead
of prohibiting their works. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view of devoting right to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
to express their notions by the elected officials.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is an undeniable fact that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
person has the power to combat for justice. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face various social issues such as rape, domestic violence and murder.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can spread awareness via using
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "owns"?
own's
creativity and motivate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to speak against such violence.
For instance
, in India,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
had composed a song against the rape of 12 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
girl. This song not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gain the popularity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enforce the law to take firsthand actions.
As a result
, she had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
justice, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible by an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
diligence.

Furthermore
, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
do not acquire sufficient amenities from the legislation, they can accelerate the national economy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
conserve the culture, tradition, sculpture of a country in the museum and art -gallery.
Hence
, the tourists arrive to explore diverse cultures which increase job employment,
especially
in the tourism fields and rise economic status of a nation. To illustrate, masses work as a translator and tourist guide to support the holidaymakers which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
rise the demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
persons
tremendously
at a global level.
Hence
, the lawmaker stimulates the artist's work by providing medals to them
rather
than restricting on their freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their thoughts.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
individual's determination and diligent should
be praised
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
in order to create awareness among public and expand the prosperity of the state.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Creative artists should always have the freedom to express their ideas in any way they wish. The government should not restrict what they do. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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