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Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas (in words, pictures, music or film) in whichever way they wish. There should be no government restrictions on what they do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. v.2

Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas (in words, pictures, music or film) in whichever way they wish. There should be no government restrictions on what they do. with this opinion. v. 2
It is a controversial topic that gifted artists have to be given the opportunity to exhibit their opinion regardless of what their methods are. I personally believe that there should be a mechanism to control and assess the performance of artists, and this essay will discuss two main reasons why art makers should be under supervision. First of all, government and political staff always point out that movies, art, and music cause social unrest throughout the country. The concepts presented in these forms of art may generate conflict between governments and citizens that, in extreme cases, could break out civil war. In Syria, for instance, we can see that conflict between governments and citizens ideology destroyed bonds between people, and it has torn the country apart and a large amount of people, especially children, are dying. However, there is one exception that we might mention where the work of artists has contributed to positive changes in human history-one of the positive changes being democracy as we can see in many countries. Secondly, in case of children, controlling art works under the supervision of professional experts or agencies plays a vitally important role in children’s upbringing and education. Because art has been one of the main sources to educate children nowadays so that school curriculums encompass the all aspect of art, which have significant impact on their lifestyle as well as their long-term goals. Furthermore, we need to hand traditional art down to future generations so that government has to give more attention to preserving it. In recent years, traditional art has been destroyed by new trends of art coming from overseas and artists also tend to accept these deliberately. To conclude, the products of art makers should be assessed by qualified experts, especially by pedagogical experts, so that we can prevent social instability and misunderstandings. It also might be mentioned that artists also need to have a desire to qualify their performance based on a universal approach and that their work need to promote the fabric of society.
It is a controversial topic that gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to exhibit their opinion regardless of what their methods are. I
personally
believe that there should be a mechanism to control and assess the performance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, and this essay will discuss two main reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
makers should be under supervision.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and political staff always point out that movies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, and music cause social unrest throughout the country. The concepts presented in these forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
may generate conflict between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and citizens that, in extreme cases, could break out civil war. In Syria,
for instance
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that conflict between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and citizens ideology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
bonds between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and it has torn the country apart and a large amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, are dying.
However
, there is one exception that we might mention where the work of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
has contributed to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in human history-one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
being democracy as we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.

Secondly
, in case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
works under the supervision of professional experts or agencies plays a
vitally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
upbringing and education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has been one of the main sources to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that school curriculums encompass the all aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, which have significant impact on their lifestyle
as well
as their long-term goals.
Furthermore
, we need to hand traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
down to future generations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
give more attention to preserving it. In recent years, traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
by new trends of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
coming from overseas and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
also
tend to accept these
deliberately
.

To conclude
, the products of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
makers should
be assessed
by qualified experts,
especially
by pedagogical experts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
social instability and misunderstandings. It
also
might
be mentioned
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
also
need to have a desire to qualify their performance based on a universal approach and that their work need to promote the fabric of society.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas (in words, pictures, music or film) in whichever way they wish. There should be no government restrictions on what they do. with this opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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