Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Countries with longer working hours enjoy an economic advantage, but they suffer from certain negative social effects, do you agree or disagree? v.1

Countries with longer working hours enjoy an economic advantage, but they suffer from certain negative social effects, v. 1
There are certain countries where staff at work-place have to sweat out for longer hours. Such countries, no doubt, enjoy greater economic gains, greater prosperity. But, as many people opine, these countries have to suffer various negative social effects. I fully see eye to eye with these people. There is no denying the fact that for prolonged hours plays havoc with the physical and mental well-being of the workforce. It leads to physical exhaustion and mental stress. Such people suffer from various physical ailments, like diabetes, blood pressure, heart maladies. These unhealthy conditions are aggravated by mental tensions. Mental stress also causes psychiatric disorders. The affected people can suffer from nervous breakdown too. Ultimately all these problems affect the longevity of individuals. Their lives are cut short, and they die before their expected life-span. Overworked individuals make for an unhappy social life. First of all, they remain away from home for longer hours, thus depriving their children of much-needed love and care. This is particularly true in the modern age where both husband and wife are working people. Neglect of children leads to juvenile delinquency, with all its attendant evil effects. Moreover, these over-stressed workers are left with no desire to enjoy social interactions. They refrain from social outings, from meeting friends and relatives, attending functions and parties. Their social life indeed is wrecked. To sum up, countries with longer working hours do enjoy an economic advantage, but the affluence is at bought a high price, at the frightening price of unhappy social life.
There are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where staff at work-place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
sweat out for longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, no doubt, enjoy greater economic gains, greater prosperity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
effects. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
eye to eye with these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

There is no denying the fact that for prolonged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
plays havoc with the physical and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
well-being of the workforce. It leads to physical exhaustion and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from various physical ailments, like diabetes, blood pressure, heart maladies. These unhealthy conditions
are aggravated
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
tensions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
also
causes psychiatric disorders. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can suffer from nervous breakdown too.
Ultimately
all these problems affect the longevity of individuals. Their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
short, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
life-span.

Overworked individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
for an unhappy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they remain away from home for longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
,
thus
depriving their children of much-needed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care. This is
particularly
true in the modern age where both husband and wife are working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Neglect of children leads to juvenile delinquency, with all its attendant evil effects.
Moreover
, these over-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
workers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with no desire to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interactions. They refrain from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
outings, from meeting friends and relatives, attending functions and parties. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life
indeed
is wrecked
.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with longer working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
do enjoy an economic advantage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the affluence is at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a high price, at the frightening price of unhappy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Countries with longer working hours enjoy an economic advantage, but they suffer from certain negative social effects, v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
254 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts