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Advertising has become part of everyone's life. Some people say that advertising has a positive impact on our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Advertising has become part of everyone's life. Some people say that advertising has a positive impact on our lives. v. 2
It is emerged that advertising now plays an intrinsic part in our life. Some people say that it is very beneficial to our daily life. Personally, i completely disagree with this statement. Widespread advertisements can have negative consequences that are worthy of consideration. Firstly, not any advertisements on social media are always accurate. In fact, nowadays, many companies take advantage of visual effects to exaggerate the quality as well as the appearance of their products. Consequently, there is a large number of consumers who are frivolous completely trusting the information given on these advertisements and then feel disappointed about the reality. Moreover, this can also raise the costs of these products substantially which gives a huge profit to companies. The second is that advertisements are becoming more and more disruptive. For example, there are too many sign-boards near public places such as schools, bus stations and many more. This is seriously violating the communal privacy and worsens the beauty of many cities. Furthermore, that sign-boards can be seen everywhere is also a way to exploit the children because they will beg their parents until they are allowed to buy these products if they see them. In conclusion, advertising has a detrimental impact on the quality of our daily life because of many negative consequences it has left for us.
It
is emerged
that advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
plays an intrinsic part in our life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial to our daily life.
Personally
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
completely disagree with this statement.

Widespread
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences that are worthy of consideration.
Firstly
, not any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
on social media are always accurate. In fact, nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
take advantage of visual effects to exaggerate the quality
as well
as the appearance of their products.
Consequently
, there is
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
consumers who are frivolous completely trusting the information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
and then feel disappointed about the reality.
Moreover
, this can
also
raise the costs of these products
substantially
which gives a huge profit to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

The second is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are becoming more and more disruptive.
For example
, there are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
-boards near public places such as schools, bus stations and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. This is
seriously
violating the communal privacy and worsens the beauty of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cities.
Furthermore
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
-boards can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
everywhere is
also
a way to exploit the children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will beg their parents until they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these products if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them.

In conclusion
, advertising has a detrimental impact on the quality of our daily life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for us.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Advertising has become part of everyone's life. Some people say that advertising has a positive impact on our lives. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
219 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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