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Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this a positive or negative development? v.24

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this a positive or negative development? v. 24
It is certain that people can purchase the same goods at any place around the world, and it leads the nations now are becoming gradually similar. In my opinion, this argument will have several benefits and drawbacks. This fact has some advantages. Firstly, the transport of goods to other countries help to expand the business market. Obviously, the European is one of the crowded marketplaces with the high consumption goods; consequently, if a product produced in Vietnam that is exported to European, this will bring a great deal of useful to economic. Secondly, the globalization helps to be easier shopping. In addition, people do not spend time purchasing and looking for quality products. For instance, modern tools are produced in developed countries, and now, it is exported to almost countries in the world; therefore, people can buy them easily. This fact also poses some disadvantages. One the one hand, providing goods from foreign may prevent development of domestic industries. Furthermore, a vast amount of citizen believes that quality of foreign products is usually better than domestic products; thus, the domestic industry may be reduced due to priority using from this foreign products resource. On the other hand, this trend affects culture value attached to per nation. To illustrate, traditional clothes are the kind of goods that show feature culture of countries; however, people now have replaced it by trends toward fashion from other countries. In conclusion, providing goods the same in every place around the world make countries is becoming similar. This has some positive such as expanding business market, improving the method of purchase, and negatives namely reducing domestic production rate, lost culture value nation.
It is certain that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
at any place around the world, and it leads the nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are becoming
gradually
similar. In my opinion, this argument will have several benefits and drawbacks.

This fact has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages.
Firstly
, the transport of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to expand the business market.
Obviously
, the European is one of the crowded marketplaces with the high consumption
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
;
consequently
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
produced in Vietnam that
is exported
to European, this will bring a great deal of useful to economic.
Secondly
, the globalization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to be easier shopping.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not spend time purchasing and looking for quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For instance
, modern tools
are produced
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, it
is exported
to almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them
easily
.

This fact
also
poses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.
Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
from foreign may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
industries.
Furthermore
, a vast amount of citizen believes that quality of foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is
usually
better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
;
thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
industry may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
due to priority using from this foreign
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "products'" or "product's"?
products
resource.
On the other hand
, this trend affects culture value attached to per nation. To illustrate, traditional clothes are the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
feature culture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
;
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have replaced it by trends toward fashion from other countries.

In conclusion
, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
the same in every place around the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is becoming similar. This has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
such as expanding business market, improving the method of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
, and negatives
namely
reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
production rate, lost culture value nation.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this a positive or negative development? v. 24

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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