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Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.23

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 23
Nowadays, globalization has become an integral tendency, especially in an international integration age, the products appeared over the world. Although this trend is not without advantages, I argue that this phenomenon had a negative consequence for society. On the one hand, there are two compelling reasons why same products were bought from anywhere can bring some benefits. Firstly, since businesses have to incredibly competitive to generate the best items in the market. Thus, consumers who had diversity options to choose quality items and enhance their health. This means that, instead of using low-quality products, which was manufactured in their country, citizens can order better products from reputable international companies easily with responsible prices. Secondly, in order to create a huge number of items to circulate everywhere in the worldwide, enterprises are likely to establish more branches in other countries. This action attracted a lot of local workers and reduce the rate of unemployment in a country. For example, Samsung and Nokia corporations were opened roughly 10 factories for providing more smartphones to the electronic market and create a thousand of jobs in the labour market. On the other hand, I consider that if products appear all over the world, there were some drawbacks to society. One of the disadvantages is that traditional cultures may be detrimental. It is clear that when the new culture stream import in countries, children tend to imitate not suitable habitats and lost traditionally identify because of their curiosity. For example, many young generations in Vietnam were trying to wear clothes from foreign branches in their nation in an office environment, which was only used in fashion catwalks. Furthermore, the tourism industry will less attractive because people from other countries might not interest to discover in cultures, they tend to experiences items from other countries sold in their country. Therefore, the amount of money gained from this field can be seriously decreased, which leads to the income of the poor class become more difficult to cover all their bills in life. In conclusion, it is clear that the appearance of goods in many countries in the world shows some benefits, it seems to me that the disadvantages outweigh advantages in different ways.
Nowadays, globalization has become an integral tendency,
especially
in an international integration age, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
appeared over the world. Although this trend is not without advantages, I argue that this phenomenon had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequence for society.

On the one hand, there are two compelling reasons why same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
from anywhere can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits.
Firstly
, since businesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
incredibly
competitive to generate the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
in the market.
Thus
, consumers who had diversity options to choose quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
and enhance their health. This means that,
instead
of using low-quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, which
was manufactured
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, citizens can order better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from reputable international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
easily
with responsible prices.
Secondly
, in order to create a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
to circulate everywhere in the worldwide, enterprises are likely to establish more branches in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This action attracted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
local workers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate of unemployment in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, Samsung and Nokia corporations
were opened
roughly 10 factories for providing more smartphones to the electronic market and create a thousand of jobs in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I consider that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
appear all over the world, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to society. One of the disadvantages is that traditional cultures may be detrimental. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that when the new culture stream import in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, children tend to imitate not suitable habitats and lost
traditionally
identify
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their curiosity.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young generations in Vietnam were trying to wear clothes from foreign branches in their nation in an office environment, which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in fashion catwalks.
Furthermore
, the tourism industry will less attractive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
might not interest to discover in cultures, they tend to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "experience".
experiences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
sold in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Therefore
, the amount of money gained from this field can be
seriously
decreased, which leads to the income of the poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
become more difficult to cover all their bills in life.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the appearance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, it seems to me that the disadvantages outweigh advantages in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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