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Counties with long working days are more successful economically, but there are some negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Counties with long working days are more successful economically, but there are some negative social consequences. v. 1
Some people believe that spending a lot of time at work leads to an increase in productivity, which translates into a greater economic output. However, I believe that there are disadvantages to having such a culture as too much work can lead to an unbalanced and an unhealthy lifestyle. This essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of working long hours. Firstly, studies have shown that people do not have very long energy spans. Although working longer hours might lead to an increase in the volume of work done, the time spent cannot guarantee that an employee is actually being productive as staff might be too tired after the official working hours are up. Companies end up paying their staff overtime wages for work that was not generated, thereby defeating the original purpose of working long hours. Secondly, it is unhealthy both physically and mentally to be working for too long. Our mind requires relaxation in order to recover and recharge. In addition, too much work in the office without enough outdoor activities is a sedentary lifestyle. While we may not feel anything wrong when we are young, our bodies will suffer the consequences when everything culminates in old age. On the other hand, companies that have business dealings with businessmen living on the other side of the world might find it advantageous to have longer working hours as their working hours could overlap with their overseas counterpart. Transactions and decisions can be made sooner and people need not wait that long to move forward with their task by having an extended schedule at work. In conclusion, I believe that the government and organizations should take care of their employees and not overwork them by implementing legislations for work-life balance. After all, our life does not merely consist of work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
leads to an increase in productivity, which translates into a greater economic output.
However
, I believe that there are disadvantages to having such a culture as too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can lead to an unbalanced and an unhealthy lifestyle. This essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
hours.

Firstly
, studies have shown that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
energy spans. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
might lead to an increase in the volume of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
done, the time spent cannot guarantee that an employee is actually being productive as staff might be too tired after the official
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
are up.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up paying their staff overtime wages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that was not generated, thereby defeating the original purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
hours.

Secondly
, it is unhealthy both
physically
and mentally to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
. Our mind requires relaxation in order to recover and recharge.
In addition
, too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the office without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
outdoor activities is a sedentary lifestyle. While we may not feel anything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
when we are young, our bodies will suffer the consequences when everything culminates in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that have business dealings with businessmen living on the other side of the world might find it advantageous to have longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
could overlap with their overseas counterpart. Transactions and decisions can
be made
sooner and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need not wait that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward with their task by having an extended schedule at work.

In conclusion
, I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and organizations should take care of their employees and not overwork them by implementing
Possible spelling mistake found.
legislations
for work-life balance.
After all
, our life does not
merely
consist of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Counties with long working days are more successful economically, but there are some negative social consequences. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
300 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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