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Countries with long working days are more successful economically, but there are some negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Countries with long working days are more successful economically, but there are some negative social consequences. v. 1
IT IS OFTEN SAID THAT THERE BSHOULD BE BALANCE IN BETWEEN PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL LIFE. SOME CONSIDERED THAT NATIONS WHO HOLDS A MORE THAN 5 WORKING DAYS HAS A STRONG ECONOMICAL STATUS. BUT, ON THE OTHER SIDE, IT ALSO AFFECT THE SOCIAL LIFE OF THE FOLKS. THIS ESSAY WILL 100% CONCUR WITH THE ABOVE NOTION BECAUSE OF THE NUMEROUS BAD SITUATION COMES DUE TO OVER-WORK WHICH IS DISCUSS BELOW. ON THE ONE HAND, THE NATION HAS TO PAY MORE HEALTH BENEFITS TO THEIR WORKERS AS THEY TEND TO HAVE VARIOUS FITNESS ISSUES SUCH AS BACK PAIN, MENTAL PROBLEM AND SO ON. IN ADDITION TO THIS, THEY DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO SPEND WITH THEIR FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND THUS, THEY MIGHT BECOME PSYCHOLOGICALLY UNSTABLE. THIS AAFECT THE WORK EFFICIENCY AND LESS PROFITS. FOR EXAMPLE, THE LABOUR AGENCIES OF THE INDI'S REPORT REVEALED THAT70% OF THE PEOPLE REQUIRED MORE HEALTH PLANS BECAUSE OF THE OVERWORKING DAYS. ON THE OTHER HAND, IT IS ALSO ALOTE A FINACIAL STABILITY FOR ONE'S FAMILY, AS IT PROVIDES A MORE MONWYBY WORKING A LOT. HENCE, INDIVIDUAL IS ABLE TO FULFILL HIS FAMILY'S NEED AT HIS BEST, THIS LEADS TO SECURE FUTURE OF HIS OFFSPRINGS. NONETHELESS, NOT EVERY INDIVIDUAL WANTS A MONEY, SOME URGE FOR MENTAL PEACE WHOCH ONLY CAN OBTAIN FORM BEING CLOSE WITH LOVED ONES. FOR INSTANCE, THE INDIA HAS 6 WORKING DAYS AND THUS, EVERYDAYS IS BUSY OF ALMOST 805 OF THE WORKERS AND THEEFORE, THEY LACK SOME LESUIRE TIME TO SPEND. IN CONCLUSION, MORE WORKING DAYS, INDEED STRENGTHEN THE ECONOMY STATUS OF THE NATIONS. BUT, IT IS ALSO INCREASING THE BURDEN ON THE INDIVIDUAL AND GOVERNMENT AS WELL IN THE MEANS OF WELLNESS. THEREFORE, GOVERNMENT SHOULD TAKE ONE'S PERSONAL LIFE IN ASSESST WHILE, SETTING UOP THE IFFICIAL WORKING DAYS SO THAT THE EVERY EMPLOYEES DO NOT HAVE TO COMPROMISE THEIR FREE TIME DUE TO OVERWORK.
IT IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
OFTEN
SAID THAT THERE
Possible spelling mistake found.
BSHOULD
BE BALANCE IN BETWEEN PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL LIFE.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
CONSIDERED THAT NATIONS WHO
Did you mean "hold"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'NATIONS' should be used.
HOLDS
A MORE THAN 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORKING
DAYS HAS A STRONG
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
ECONOMICAL
STATUS.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
, ON THE OTHER SIDE, IT
ALSO
AFFECT THE SOCIAL LIFE OF THE FOLKS. THIS ESSAY WILL 100% CONCUR WITH THE ABOVE NOTION
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF THE NUMEROUS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BAD
SITUATION
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
COMES
DUE TO OVER-WORK WHICH IS DISCUSS BELOW.

ON THE ONE HAND, THE NATION
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
HAS TO
PAY MORE HEALTH BENEFITS TO THEIR WORKERS AS THEY TEND TO HAVE VARIOUS FITNESS ISSUES SUCH AS BACK PAIN, MENTAL PROBLEM AND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
ON.
IN ADDITION
TO THIS, THEY DO NOT HAVE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ENOUGH
TIME TO SPEND WITH THEIR FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND
THUS
, THEY MIGHT BECOME
PSYCHOLOGICALLY
UNSTABLE. THIS
Possible spelling mistake found.
AAFECT
THE WORK EFFICIENCY AND
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun PROFITS is countable.
LESS
PROFITS.
FOR EXAMPLE
, THE
Possible spelling mistake. 'LABOUR' is British English.
LABOUR
AGENCIES OF THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
INDI
'S REPORT REVEALED THAT70% OF THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
REQUIRED MORE HEALTH PLANS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF THE OVERWORKING DAYS.

ON THE OTHER HAND
, IT IS
ALSO
Possible spelling mistake found.
ALOTE
A
Possible spelling mistake found.
FINACIAL
STABILITY FOR ONE'S FAMILY, AS IT PROVIDES A MORE
Possible spelling mistake found.
MONWYBY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORKING
A LOT.
HENCE
, INDIVIDUAL IS ABLE TO FULFILL HIS FAMILY'S NEED AT HIS BEST, THIS LEADS TO SECURE FUTURE OF HIS
Possible spelling mistake found.
OFFSPRINGS
. NONETHELESS, NOT EVERY INDIVIDUAL WANTS A MONEY,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
URGE FOR MENTAL PEACE
Possible spelling mistake found.
WHOCH
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ONLY
CAN OBTAIN FORM BEING CLOSE WITH
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LOVED
ONES.
FOR INSTANCE
, THE INDIA HAS 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORKING
DAYS AND
THUS
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
EVERYDAYS
IS BUSY OF ALMOST 805 OF THE WORKERS AND
Possible spelling mistake found.
THEEFORE
, THEY LACK
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
Possible spelling mistake found.
LESUIRE
TIME TO SPEND.

IN CONCLUSION
, MORE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORKING
DAYS,
INDEED
STRENGTHEN THE ECONOMY STATUS OF THE NATIONS.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
, IT IS
ALSO
INCREASING THE BURDEN ON THE INDIVIDUAL AND
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
AS WELL
IN THE MEANS OF WELLNESS.
THEREFORE
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
SHOULD TAKE ONE'S PERSONAL LIFE IN
Possible spelling mistake found.
ASSESST
WHILE, SETTING
Possible spelling mistake found.
UOP
THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
IFFICIAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WORKING
DAYS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
THAT THE EVERY
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "employee"?
EMPLOYEES
DO NOT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
HAVE TO
COMPROMISE THEIR FREE TIME DUE TO OVERWORK.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Mistakes

IELTS essay Countries with long working days are more successful economically, but there are some negative social consequences. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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