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Corporal punishment should be banned in schools. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Corporal punishment should be banned in schools. v. 1
Educational approaches have provoked heated debates for decades. Some people would encourage physical punishment at school as they believe it could do wonders for students. Nevertheless, others would argue that this approach can have various negative effects on pupils. Personally, I completely agree that corporal punishment should be prohibited and replaced by different methods. Firstly, corporal punishment is believed to have adverse effects on education. Hitting or smacking students can force them to comply with regulations for a short time due to angst; however, when encountering in the long term, they may rebel and become mischievous. Furthermore, this kind of punishment can spoil the relationship between teachers and students. Consequently, it creates an oppressive atmosphere in classrooms, which will reduce the effectiveness of schooling. Secondly, physical punishment is likely to cause mental issues for pupils. Being exposed to violence at high frequency may lead to the belief that violence is the most effective way to solve an issue. Therefore, they will commit assaults in the future. Additionally, disciplining by thrashing or whipping results in a fear of schools and teachers, which means that they can lose interest in studying. More seriously, children may suffer from panic attacks and anxiety disorders. In conclusion, corporal punishment causes considerable harms to students, hence schools should eliminate this method. My view is that teachers should make good friends with students, and they can have an intimate talk to address the problems.
Educational approaches have provoked heated debates for decades.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would encourage physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
at school as they believe it could do wonders for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Nevertheless
, others would argue that this approach can have various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on pupils.
Personally
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
should
be prohibited
and replaced by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
methods.

Firstly
, corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is believed
to have adverse effects on education. Hitting or smacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can force them to comply with regulations for a short time due to angst;
however
, when encountering in the long term, they may rebel and become mischievous.
Furthermore
, this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
can spoil the relationship between teachers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Consequently
, it creates an oppressive atmosphere in classrooms, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the effectiveness of schooling.

Secondly
, physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is likely to cause mental issues for pupils.
Being exposed
to violence at high frequency may lead to the belief that violence is the most effective way to solve an issue.
Therefore
, they will commit assaults in the future.
Additionally
, disciplining by thrashing or whipping results in a fear of schools and teachers, which means that they can lose interest in studying. More
seriously
, children may suffer from panic attacks and anxiety disorders.

In conclusion
, corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
causes considerable harms to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
hence
schools should eliminate this method. My view is that teachers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friends with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, and they can have an intimate talk to address the problems.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Corporal punishment should be banned in schools. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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