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Consumers are faced with increasing numbers of advertisements from competing companies. To what extent do you think are consumers influenced by advertisements? What measures can be taken to protect them? v.5

Consumers are faced with increasing numbers of advertisements from competing companies. What measures can be taken to protect them? v. 5
In this epoch, all the users are dealing with the rising multitude of adverts from the opposing organizations. I personally think, to a large extent, they persuade their customers through adverts. However, the authority should be taken some precautions, which spread awareness in the public and strong their belief on the standard of the product. To begin with, many commercial display different products through well reputed persons because they know that advertisement is the best strategy to increase their sales as well as to aware the people about their products. Furthermore, they illustrate the benefits of their items and shows a various range, which is based on the different prices. For instance, nowadays, an advert is playing on the television, that is related to the importance of a calcium for bones. This has dramatically increased the sales and it creates a huge impact on the public. Therefore, advertisement is the best approach to persuade people. On the other hand, some schools of thoughts, feel the need of steps, those protect the mankind from the tracks of advertising Industries. They most of the time play with the thinking of a young generation to sell their products and then, the offsprings compel their guardians to buy that thing for them, which is not supposed to be a great strategy. They should also prohibit the Adverts of cigarettes because they affect the humans or they should publish a warning sign vividly on its packet. There is also entail to make a legislation against those groups, whose are selling low quality food and playing with the life of humans. For example, a recent survey, revealed that an advertising agency has shown the nutrient list that a junk food contains, which was not true. As a repercussion, community of that area faces serious circumstances pertaining to their health. So, there is a requirement of standard quality control check in order to avoid this again. To conclude, advertisement plays an imperative role to raise the market of any item, which sellers face it many times from different companies, but there should be an enforcement of the law to protect consumers.
In this epoch, all the users are dealing with the rising multitude of adverts from the opposing organizations. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, to a large extent, they persuade their customers through adverts.
However
, the authority should
be taken
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
precautions, which spread awareness in the public and strong their belief on the standard of the product.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
commercial display
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
products through well reputed persons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know that advertisement is the best strategy to increase their sales
as well
as to aware the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about their products.
Furthermore
, they illustrate the benefits of their items and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a various range, which
is based
on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
prices.
For instance
, nowadays, an advert is playing on the television, that
is related
to the importance of a calcium for bones. This has
dramatically
increased the sales and it creates a huge impact on the public.
Therefore
, advertisement is the best approach to persuade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
schools of thoughts, feel the need of steps, those protect the mankind from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
of advertising Industries. They most of the time play with the thinking of a young generation to sell their products and then, the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
compel their guardians to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
that thing for them, which is not supposed to be a great strategy. They should
also
prohibit the Adverts of cigarettes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they affect the
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
humans or
they should publish a warning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
vividly
on its packet. There is
also
entail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a legislation against those groups, whose are selling low quality food and playing with the life of humans.
For example
, a recent survey, revealed that an advertising agency has shown the nutrient list that a junk food contains, which was not true. As a repercussion, community of that area faces serious circumstances pertaining to their health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there is a requirement of standard quality control
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
in order to avoid this again.

To conclude
, advertisement plays an imperative role to raise the market of any item, which sellers face it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there should be an enforcement of the law to protect consumers.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Consumers are faced with increasing numbers of advertisements from competing companies. What measures can be taken to protect them? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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