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Consumer goods have become the most important of people's lives. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages. v.2

Consumer goods have become the most important of people's lives. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages. v. 2
In a world which is increasingly becoming materialistic, success is measured by the materials and bank balance one has accumulated. In the quest to win the rat race, people have forgotten about human ethics and values which could have long-lasting effects on the society. While these things come with a lot of virtues, the iniquity can not be ignored. Firstly, consumer products add convenience and comfort to peoples' lives which are a key driver for many to earn an extra bonus or surplus money. For example, people enjoy watching their favorite programs on their expensive, giant television sets. Moreover, it adds to people' s social status as they can flaunt their high-priced merchandise and cars to others. On the other side, people forget their moral and human values as they turned materialistic. They do not give any importance to relations. They alienate from social gatherings and find solace in the company of gadgets. With no one to discuss on matters of work and life, such people get stressed and suffer from psychological problems and end up getting into unethical activities. Undoubtedly, humanity does not teach to live with machines or spend earnings on physical goods and doing so, will have more problems than solutions. It will be advisable that people improve their social interaction by reducing time with gadgets and having work-life balance.
In a world which is
increasingly
becoming materialistic, success
is measured
by the materials and bank balance one has accumulated. In the quest to win the rat race,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have forgotten about human ethics and values which could have long-lasting effects on the society. While these things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
virtues, the iniquity can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

Firstly
, consumer products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
convenience and comfort to
Possible spelling mistake found.
peoples&
#039;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
which are a key driver for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to earn an extra bonus or surplus money.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy watching their favorite programs on their expensive, giant television sets.
Moreover
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s social status as they can flaunt their high-priced merchandise and cars to others.

On the other side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
forget their moral and human values as they turned materialistic. They do not give any importance to relations. They alienate from social gatherings and find solace in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of gadgets. With no one to discuss on matters of work and life, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and suffer from psychological problems and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up getting into unethical activities.

Undoubtedly
, humanity does not teach to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with machines or spend earnings on physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, will have more problems than solutions. It will be advisable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their social interaction by reducing time with gadgets and having work-life balance.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Consumer goods have become the most important of people's lives. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
223 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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