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It has been announced that a high school in your community would refuse bad-record students. DO you support or oppose this plan? v.1

It has been announced that a high school in your community would refuse bad-record students. DO you support or oppose this plan? v. 1
Everyone makes mistakes, and therefore it is very hard to judge especially a student when he has a bad-record. Refusing those students could possibly aggravate his situation and make it only worse for the society as a whole. I oppose this plan and the reasons why I will explain in the following essay. First of all, every human being is capable of making mistakes, sometimes those mistakes happen because of different reasons, some people are struggling in their lives, some people don’t have enough support and therefore they commit acts without thinking of consequences. Those acts are usually made without thinking what is coming next but judging a human, especially a student by his past deeds is could make his life miserable. For example, I had a friend that had a very rough life, his parents were alcoholics therefore he started to drink too, one time he broke into a house and he got in trouble because of it moreover he was expelled from school and couldn’t be enrolled in another institution, this made his life miserable because nobody was accepting him even though he changed his life. This example proves that sometimes it’s not the student fault and if he changed and really wishes to achieve something it’s wrong to refuse him, everyone makes mistakes but people are changing that’s why we should accept them. Second of all, sometimes a student receives a bad-record only because of the company he has around him, some people are living in really bad neighborhoods where crime is higher and people tend to use drugs or substances to forget about harsh life. For example, I had a good friend that came from low income family, he had to work since he was 13 and skipped school too much, what’s worst he was so stressed that he started using drugs, he got caught and received a bad-record, but instead of helping him with his addiction everyone refused him. Time passed and he reconciled and became a better person but because he had a criminal record people keep refusing him at work and at enrollment into a university so he was forced to work harder. This example proves that sometimes people that come from a bad background shouldn’t be judged by their record, he was very smart and he was hardworking but he was declined everywhere because of a 1 mistake he made. In conclusion, I oppose this plan because we as humans can make mistakes but we shouldn’t be judged by them all our life. People change and if someone wants to work hard you should give them the possibility.
Everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mistakes
, and
therefore
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to judge
especially
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
when he has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
-record. Refusing those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could
possibly
aggravate his situation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
worse for the society as a whole. I oppose this plan and the reasons why I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, every human being is capable of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mistakes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mistakes
happen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are struggling in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
support and
therefore
they commit acts without thinking of consequences. Those acts are
usually
made without thinking what is coming
next
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
judging a human,
especially
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
by his past deeds
Did you mean "it"?
is
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
miserable. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, I had a friend that had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, his parents were alcoholics
therefore
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to drink too, one time he broke into a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
house and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
in trouble
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it
moreover
he
was expelled
from school and couldn’t
be enrolled
in another institution, this made his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
miserable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nobody was accepting him
even though
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
proves that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
it’s not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
fault and if he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and
really
wishes to achieve something it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to refuse him, everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mistakes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are changing that’s why we should accept them.

Second of all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
receives a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
-record
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
he has around him,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living in
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
neighborhoods where crime is higher and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
drugs or substances to forget about harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, I had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friend that came from low income family, he had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
since he was 13 and skipped school too much, what’s worst he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
using drugs, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
caught and received a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
-record,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
of helping him with his addiction everyone refused him. Time
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
passed and
he reconciled and became a better person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he had a criminal record
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
refusing him at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and at enrollment into a university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he
was forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
proves that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
background shouldn’t
be judged
by their record, he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
smart and
he was hardworking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
was declined
everywhere
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mistake
he made.

In conclusion
, I oppose this plan
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we as humans can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mistakes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we shouldn’t
be judged
by them all our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and if someone wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
you should give them the possibility.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay It has been announced that a high school in your community would refuse bad-record students. DO you support or oppose this plan? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
436 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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