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Computer are now the basis of modern world. They should be therefore be introduced into classrooms and their programs used for direct teaching purposes. v.1

Computer are now the basis of modern world. They should be therefore be introduced into classrooms and their programs used for direct teaching purposes. v. 1
Over the past few years, the world has seen a considerable increase in the number of schools applying computer programs for direct teaching purposes. In my opinion, I tend towards the viewpoint that the downsides of this tendency outweigh the potential benefits. On the one hand, there are two main reasons why the usage of computer programs as a teaching method has a beneficial effect. First of all, during the process of learning with computer assistance, students would be possibly able to have a good grasp of computer skills. Indeed, in the digital age, computer literacy is likely to become an indispensable requirement which almost every recruiter seeks in a résumé. Secondly, this way of teaching ensures that students will learn from accurate and reliable knowledge. There are several teachers prone to provide their students the information based on their opinions or even prejudices, which can lead students to lack of comprehensive knowledge. Thus, it can be argued that students may benefit from this type of teaching method. On the other hand, it is perhaps even more important to take the drawbacks into account. To begin with, regularly face-to-face contact between teachers and students in a classroom may be eliminated as students spending more time on computer screen. In fact, most of students find their interest in study thanks to supportive and enthusiastic teachers. On top of that, due to the discrepancy of learning ability among students, it seems to be unfeasible to improve pupils’ academic results if they are all learning at the same level. All in all, computers are by no means able to replace teachers in terms of understanding students’ ability to learn as well as promoting their learning spirit. In conclusion, it is my personal belief that the potential dangers of using computer programs for direct teaching purposes are more significant than the possible advantages.
Over the past few years, the world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a considerable increase in the number of schools applying computer programs for direct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
purposes. In my opinion, I tend towards the viewpoint that the downsides of this tendency outweigh the potential benefits.

On the one hand, there are two main reasons why the usage of computer programs as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
method has a beneficial effect.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, during the process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
with computer assistance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would be
possibly
able to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grasp of computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Indeed
, in the digital age, computer literacy is likely to become an indispensable requirement which almost every recruiter seeks in a résumé.
Secondly
, this way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
ensures that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will learn from accurate and reliable knowledge. There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
prone to provide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the information based on their opinions or even prejudices, which can lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to lack of comprehensive knowledge.
Thus
, it can
be argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may benefit from this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
method.

On the other hand
, it is perhaps even more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to take the drawbacks into account. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
regularly
face-to-face contact between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in a classroom may
be eliminated
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spending more time on computer screen. In fact, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
find their interest in study thanks to supportive and enthusiastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
On top of that
, due to the discrepancy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
ability among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, it seems to be unfeasible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
pupils’ academic results if they are all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
at the same level. All in all, computers are by no means able to replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in terms of understanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
ability to learn
as well
as promoting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
spirit.

In conclusion
, it is my personal belief that the potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of using computer programs for direct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
purposes are more significant than the possible advantages.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Computer are now the basis of modern world. They should be therefore be introduced into classrooms and their programs used for direct teaching purposes. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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