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Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do much of their works from home instead of working in offices every day. Working from home should be encouraged as it is good for workers and employees. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do much of their works from home instead of working in offices every day. Working from home should be encouraged as it is good for workers and employees. v. 1
As the technology has advanced, an increasing number of people are now able to work from home using their computers rather than going to workplace every day. In my opinion this trend should be promoted as it brings many benefits for workers as well as employers. To begin with, nowadays working with the computers from home has brought several advantages to people. Firstly, the atmosphere at home helps to reduce stress as people can work at their own pace without facing any distraction from other colleagues. Therefore they can complete their tasks with more perfection. Secondly, when people work from home, they can save money on travel costs. They also get to take care of their home and children. This is particularly helpful for women with young children. Since it eliminates the need to go out to work, they can take care of their children and at the same time build their career. Apart from the workers, the employers benefit from this approach. The main advantage is that chances of conflict among employees reduce when they work from home and productivity increases. Moreover, employers do not have to worry about organizing vacations for their staff. They do not have to invest in expensive hardware either. When employees work from their home, they will most probably be using their computers, printers, telephones and other equipment to get their work done. Employers can also save money on utility bills and rentals. To conclude, it is true that nowadays a growing number of people are working from home instead of going to office. In my opinion, this arrangement should be supported as it benefits both the employees and the employers.
As the technology has advanced, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home using their computers
rather
than going to workplace every day. In my opinion this trend should
be promoted
as it brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for workers
as well
as employers.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nowadays working with the computers from home has brought several advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, the atmosphere at home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pace without facing any distraction from other colleagues.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they can complete their tasks with more perfection.
Secondly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home, they can save money on travel costs. They
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to take care of their home and children. This is
particularly
helpful for women with young children. Since it eliminates the need to go out to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they can take care of their children and at the same time build their career.

Apart from the workers, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
benefit from this approach. The main advantage is that chances of conflict among employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home and productivity increases.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about organizing vacations for their staff. They do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
invest in expensive hardware either. When employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from their home, they will most
probably
be using their computers, printers, telephones and other equipment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
done.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employers
can
also
save money on utility bills and rentals.

To conclude
, it is true that nowadays a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working from home
instead
of going to office. In my opinion, this arrangement should
be supported
as it benefits both the employees and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do much of their works from home instead of working in offices every day. Working from home should be encouraged as it is good for workers and employees. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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