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Around the world, more adults can work from home more children can study from home as computer technologies become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v.1

Around the world, more adults can work from home more children can study from home as computer technologies become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v. 1
Nowadays, the automation is improving in all streams. Worldwide it is possible for workers to do a job as well as students can learn from home, because of the low price of computer technologies and more reachable. I largely think it is a positive improvement. My reasons are justified further. Discussing the positive impacts, the foremost benefit of this is the time saving method. In recent days, time managing is very crucial part of life. In this situation this technology can serve the purpose of saving time of employees and learners. Similarly, it is also cheap, so go to work place or tuition on a daily basis is more expensive than consuming consuming computer. The children's tuition fees are high in cost so uses computer as a teacher is cheaper. Moreover, this technology also safe and useful for physically challenged people. People who cannot go at work place and study place they can learn or work from the house. In this way, they do not feel disadvantaged by having that type of physical situation. Additionally, all the types of information can be gained by the computer technology and using it can make the person perfect in every stream. However, every coin has two sides and this development can also cause the health issues, such as eye problem, due to study or work for a long time on computer can make eyes weak. Furthermore, teaching method of human is far better and efficient than the technology, after all, human create technology, so children can learn things very easily from teachers than the computer. To conclude, there are several merits related to time, money, safety etc. But there are some certain drawbacks to the understanding of students and health of users. However the merits outweigh the demerits.
Nowadays, the automation is improving in all streams. Worldwide it is possible for workers to do a job
as well
as students can learn from home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the low price of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and more reachable. I
largely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
improvement. My reasons
are justified
further
.

Discussing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts, the foremost benefit of this is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
saving method. In recent days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
managing is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial part of life. In this situation this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can serve the purpose of saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of employees and learners.
Similarly
, it is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place or tuition on a daily basis is more expensive than
Possible typo: you repeated a word
consuming consuming
computer. The children's tuition fees are high in cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
computer as a teacher is cheaper.

Moreover
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
also
safe and useful for
physically
challenged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who cannot go at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place and study place they can learn or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. In this way, they do not feel disadvantaged by having that type of physical situation.
Additionally
, all the types of information can
be gained
by the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and using it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the person perfect in every stream.

However
, every coin has two sides and this development can
also
cause the health issues, such as eye problem, due to study or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computer can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
eyes weak.
Furthermore
, teaching method of human is far better and efficient than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
after all
, human create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
children can learn things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
from teachers than the computer.

To conclude
, there are several merits related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, money, safety etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain drawbacks to the understanding of students and health of users.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the merits outweigh the demerits.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Around the world, more adults can work from home more children can study from home as computer technologies become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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