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Computer have changed the way people study. What are the advantages and disadvantages of using computers as study aids? v.2

Computer have changed the way people study. What are the advantages and disadvantages of using computers as study aids? v. 2
Appearance of computers have made a significant change in our life, especially in study and research. It brings many benefits to people, however it also has some negative aspects that should be considered. Using computers in studying has three main advantages. Firstly, students can find information more easily thanthe past. For example, in the past students wanted to know something, they had to go to the library to find the books or asked their friends, teachers so they lost a lot of time. By contrast, nowadays they can search on the Internet in some minutes, which help them learn more effective. Secondly, using computer allows a multimedia educational enviroment. Students can teach themselves through videos, online documents so they can learn in anywhere and they can arrange some activities in a flexible way. Thirdly, computers provide many useful tools for users. Instead of writing by hand, they can type a letter or a document, moreover these documents can be saved safely and copied, transported from place to place easily. On the downside, students can face to some troubles when they using computers as study aids. Firstly, computers negatively affect human health. Using computers is the main reason that cause short sightedness. Besides that, students focus much more on computer, which will influence to their brain, thus they feel very tired. One of students can access some bad sources of data such as sex films or books, newspapers, … especially pupils. As a result, their awareness are untrue and they can cause many serious mistakes, which detrimentally impact on not only themselves but also their family and society. In addition, some students are addictive in games on the computers, which lead to neglect studying and other important things. In conclusion, using computers have both advantages and disadvantages. It depends on each person and the way they use
Appearance of computers have made a significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in our life,
especially
in study and research. It brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
however
it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects that should
be considered
.

Using computers in studying has three main advantages.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can find information more
easily
Possible spelling mistake found.
thanthe
past.
For example
, in the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
wanted to know something, they had to go to the library to find the books or asked their friends, teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they lost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time. By contrast, nowadays they can search on the Internet in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minutes, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them learn more effective.
Secondly
, using computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
a multimedia educational
Possible spelling mistake found.
enviroment
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can teach themselves through videos, online documents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can learn in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
anywhere and
they can arrange
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities
Consider replacing "in a flexible way" with the adverb for "flexible"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a flexible way
.
Thirdly
, computers provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful tools for users.
Instead
of writing by hand, they can type a letter or a document,
moreover
these documents can
be saved
safely
and copied, transported from place to place
easily
.

On the downside,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can face to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
troubles when
Did you mean "they're using", "they are using", or "they were using"?
they using
computers as study aids.
Firstly
, computers
negatively
affect human health. Using computers is the main reason that cause short
Possible spelling mistake found.
sightedness
.
Besides
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
focus much more on computer, which will influence to their brain,
thus
they feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tired. One of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can access
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
sources of data such as sex films or books, newspapers, …
especially
pupils.
As a result
, their awareness are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
untrue and
they can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious mistakes, which
detrimentally
impact on not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their family and society.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are addictive in games on the computers, which lead to neglect studying and other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things.

In conclusion
, using computers have both advantages and disadvantages. It depends on each person and the way they
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
use
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Computer have changed the way people study. What are the advantages and disadvantages of using computers as study aids? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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