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Discuss the advantage and disadvantage of giving international aids to poor countries. v.1

Discuss the advantage and disadvantage of giving international aids to poor countries. v. 1
Over recent decades, many international institutes have been established all around the world with the objective of supporting the low-income communities. However, there are some various points of view about positive or negative results of the philosophy of such help. In this essay, it is going to be assessed the merits and demerits of conducting poor countries internationally. As the outstanding effect on low-level nations thanks to being sported by other countries, is that the rate of death resulting from malnutrition decrease. In addition, the health of the countries could improve because of supporting drugs and medical facilities. For instance, it is heard on the news that in some African countries, many people do not have even anything to eat and/or any initial health facilities. On the other hand, some individuals take issue with the idea that these helps contribute to some side effects. By the way of illustration, it could weaken the countries receiving aids and causes those to not to attempt for improving their situation. Moreover, it might transform them into consumer communities which always need other countries supports to being alive. Additionally, receiving external aids could lead those countries to the level that they pay no heed to their own natural resources. In conclusion, even though we could not disregard the fact that some poor countries widely need to be supported, the advanced societies could adopt the decisions that help those countries to positively change their environment by utilising their own existing abilities and resources.
Over recent decades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
international institutes have
been established
all around the world with the objective of supporting the low-income communities.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
various points of view about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results of the philosophy of such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. In this essay, it is going to
be assessed
the merits and demerits of conducting poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
internationally
.

As the outstanding effect on low-level nations thanks to
being sported
by other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, is that the rate of death resulting from malnutrition decrease.
In addition
, the health of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of supporting drugs and medical facilities.
For instance
, it
is heard
on the news that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have even anything to eat and/or any initial health facilities.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals take issue with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
contribute to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
side effects. By the way of illustration, it could weaken the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
receiving aids and causes those
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
attempt for improving their situation.
Moreover
, it might transform them into consumer communities which always need other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
supports to being alive.
Additionally
, receiving external aids could lead those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to the level that they pay no heed to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
natural resources.

In conclusion
,
even though
we could not disregard the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
widely
need to
be supported
, the advanced societies could adopt the decisions that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
positively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their environment by
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
existing abilities and resources.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Discuss the advantage and disadvantage of giving international aids to poor countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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