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In the past many people had skills such as making their own clothes and doing repairs to things in the house. In many countries, nowadays, skills like these are disappearing. Why do you think this change is happening? How far is this situation true in your v.2

In the past many people had skills such as making their own clothes and doing repairs to things in the house. In many countries, nowadays, skills like these are disappearing. Why do you think this change is happening? How far is this situation true in your v. 2
Before the revolution of industrilization, peopeo normally make their own clothes and tools. People also sew and repair their belongs after broken or worn out. However, nowadays people seldem sew their torn out clothes and fix their broken tools. Skills such as sewing and fixing seem disappeared. This phenomenon appears due to a better quantity of products and abundant supply of commodities. The better quality of products refrains people from constantly repairing tools and clothes. Materials nowadays are more durable than the past. Stainless steel will not rust. Newly invented material- ninon for example- maintains in good condition for decades. On the contrary, wool and cotten decay in a few years. Therefore, with products made from materials of better quality than the past, people do not need to fix their bikes and scarfs. Apart form this reason, tha abundant supply of commodities also contribute to this phenomenon. People nowadays prefer not to repair broken equipments and garments due to a plentiful supply of commodities. Globalization enables price of commodities to decrease; therefore, people have access to abundant of goods. People can buy new products instead of repairing broken ones. After joining the WTO, Chinese people also stop sewing and fixing old stuff. To buy a new product is effortless comparing to reapair the broken one. Thus, people choose not to sew and fix broken tools with effortless access to plenty amount of commodities. To summarize, the better quality of products and the abundance of commodities make sewing and repairing broken stuffs unnecessary. Therefore these skills disappeared recenlty.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the revolution of
Possible spelling mistake found.
industrilization
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
peopeo
normally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
clothes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
also
sew and repair their belongs after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
broken
or worn out.
However
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
seldem
sew their torn out clothes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
broken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Skills
such as sewing and fixing seem disappeared. This phenomenon appears due to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and abundant supply of commodities.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
refrains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
constantly
repairing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
and clothes. Materials nowadays are more durable than the past. Stainless steel will not rust.
Newly
invented material-
Possible spelling mistake found.
ninon
for example
- maintains in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition for decades.
On the contrary
, wool and
Possible spelling mistake found.
cotten
decay in a few years.
Therefore
, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
made from materials of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
quality than the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
their bikes and scarfs.
Possible typo. Did you mean "apart from"?
Apart form
this reason,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tha
abundant supply of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commodities
also
contribute to this phenomenon.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
nowadays prefer not to repair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
broken
equipments and garments due to a plentiful supply of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commodities
. Globalization enables price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commodities
to decrease;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have access to abundant of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
instead
of repairing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
broken
ones. After joining the WTO, Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
sewing and fixing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
stuff. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is effortless comparing to
Possible spelling mistake found.
reapair
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
broken
one.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose not to sew and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
broken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
with effortless access to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
amount of commodities.

To summarize
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and the abundance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commodities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sewing and repairing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
broken
stuffs unnecessary.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
disappeared
Possible spelling mistake found.
recenlty
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past many people had skills such as making their own clothes and doing repairs to things in the house. In many countries, nowadays, skills like these are disappearing. Why do you think this change is happening? How far is this situation true in your v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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