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some people think that leadership qualities are inherited by birth, others argue that it can be developed through life experience discuss both views and write your opinion. v.1

some people think that leadership qualities are inherited by birth, others argue that it can be developed through life experience v. 1
Certainly, it goes without saying that leadership plays a fundamental role in the development of every nation. Consequently, leaders are substantially needed in every life field; even in every organization and team. Although, there are some commentators who believe that leadership is an inherited criteria, I am strongly inclined to the opinion that leadership qualities are acquired throughout the life. Firstly, the booming breakthrough in the education technology has significantly increased the number of graduates who have leadership qualities. Since, the recent education strategy focuses on improving the skills of students as well as boosting their self-confidence. For example, a recent study conducted in London has shown that the percentage to college graduates who have the ability of decision making in the critical situations rose by around 20% after applying the new learning programs in high schools and university. In addition, the family has a great influence on the personality of children and youngsters because parents are almost considered model roles for their offspring. To illustrate, a recent statistics published in Egypt has revealed that young adults who succeeded to reach leading positions in the big economic organization were raised by highly educated parents. Undoubtedly, the various life experience acquired in school, home and work increase individual creativity, productivity and independence. On the other hand, a strong argument can be made on the opposite side. To begin with, opponents state that genetics is now believed to contest all the human beings characters and abilities. For instance, a recent study has shown that more than 10% of the leading politicians in Canada in the last decade were blood relatives. Furthermore, many children show the qualities of leadership in very young age. To sum up, it can be clearly seen that leadership characters are acquired rather than inherited talent. I do recommend that the ministry of education involve the different programs that can implement leadership criteria in the curriculum of students of all ages. In addition, a nation-wide public education to newly married couples can be organized to increase the awareness of parents about how to boost these great values in children.
Certainly
, it goes without saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
plays a fundamental role in the development of every nation.
Consequently
, leaders are
substantially
needed in every life field; even in every organization and team. Although, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
commentators
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
is an inherited
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "criterion"?
criteria
, I am
strongly
inclined to the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
qualities
are acquired
throughout the life.

Firstly
, the booming breakthrough in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
technology has
significantly
increased the number of graduates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
qualities. Since, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
strategy focuses on improving the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of students
as well
as boosting their self-confidence.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
study conducted in London has shown that the percentage to college graduates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have the ability of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
in the critical situations rose by around 20% after applying the new learning programs in high schools and university.
In addition
, the family has a great influence on the personality of children and youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
parents are almost considered model roles for their offspring.

To illustrate, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
statistics published in Egypt has revealed that young adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
succeeded to reach leading positions in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
economic organization
were raised
by
highly
educated parents.
Undoubtedly
, the various life experience acquired in school, home and work increase individual creativity, productivity and independence.

On the other hand
, a strong argument can
be made
on the opposite side. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, opponents state that genetics is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
believed to contest all the human beings characters and abilities.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
study has shown that more than 10% of the leading politicians in Canada in the last decade
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
blood relatives.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the qualities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age.

To sum up, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
characters
are acquired
rather
than inherited talent. I do recommend that the ministry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
involve the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
programs that can implement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leadership
criteria in the curriculum of students of all ages.
In addition
, a nation-wide public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to
newly
married couples can
be organized
to increase the awareness of parents about how to boost these great values in children.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay some people think that leadership qualities are inherited by birth, others argue that it can be developed through life experience v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
350 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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