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Completing a university education is thought to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.2

Completing a university education is thought to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. v. 2
Some would argue that having a degree from a university is the most effective way to get a highly-paid job, while others think that obtaining work experience and developing soft skills are not less important. I believe that having a graduate degree can benefit a student in pursuing a good job, although additional experience or soft skills may be required for certain jobs. On the one hand, many jobs with a high salary ask for a minimum level of education from people who apply for them. Therefore, the applicants need to obtain the requested level in order to be considered for those vacant positions. For example, 90% jobs that are advertised on LinkedIn require bachelor degrees and the remaining 10% demand post-graduate level of education. In my opinion, having a tertiary education is mandatory if students want to get a great job. On the other hand, some well-paid occupations, especially for high-risk one, ask for soft skills and experience from the workers. Therefore, having these abilities can increase the probability for those who apply for the positions to be hired. Welders and painters are two examples of occupations that requires the employee to be highly-skilled in doing the tasks. In my opinion, this is only applicable for a few posts in job markets. In conclusion, this essay thinks that graduate from a tertiary education can help students in getting well-paid occupations even though some work requires students to gain extra knowledge and skills from doing similar jobs. However, the number of jobs that needs extra knowledge and skills is minor.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a degree from a university is the most effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
highly
-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that obtaining work experience and developing soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are not less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a graduate degree can benefit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in pursuing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, although additional experience or soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
may
be required
for certain jobs.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
with a high salary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
a minimum level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who apply for them.
Therefore
, the applicants need to obtain the requested level in order to
be considered
for those vacant positions.
For example
, 90%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that
are advertised
on LinkedIn require bachelor degrees and the remaining 10% demand post-graduate level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is mandatory if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a great job.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
well-paid occupations,
especially
for high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
one,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and experience from the workers.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
these abilities can increase the probability for those who apply for the positions to
be hired
. Welders and painters are two examples of occupations that requires the employee to be
highly
-skilled in doing the tasks. In my opinion, this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
applicable for a few posts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
markets.

In conclusion
, this essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that graduate from a tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in getting well-paid occupations
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
work requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to gain extra knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
from doing similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
However
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that needs extra knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is minor.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Completing a university education is thought to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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