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Competitiveness is a positive quality for people to have among most societies. How does this competitiveness affect individuals? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend? v.2

Competitiveness is a positive quality for people to have among most societies. How does this competitiveness affect individuals? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend? v. 2
There is no doubt that competitiveness is, by and large, one of the most striking traits of human. It is often argued that it is detrimental to people’s lives; nevertheless, I believe it also brings about benefits. The way rivalry impacts on each person and its merits and demerits would be presented in this essay. The major effects of competitiveness could be noticeably felt at the workplace and school. Not only do company’s leaders seek for outstanding employees who prove to be competitive to lead team-work but customers also have desires for products and services with competitive prices. Apparently, rivalry plays as an indispensable motivation, stimulating students to pass exams with flying colors to become top in their class. For the most part, competitiveness is availably existing in every aspect of daily lives. There is a common belief that this quality adversely affects individuals. First of all, the excessive focus on being the best could mislead people, by all means even committing crimes or doing harm to other colleagues, in order to reach their goals. Secondly, students are prone to be constantly under extreme pressure if they are obsessed with high marks, high ranks and impressive certificates, which might result in the risks of autism and depression. However, I am in the favor of the view that the advantages of competitiveness are more significant. Entering a competition could be seen as an excellent opportunity for everyone to challenge themselves, breaking comfort zones, and prove their potentials. Furthermore, it seems that the more ambitious one child is, the greater possibility of success he gains. This is because he could be aware of his rivalries, fearless of any failures and eager to make more and more progress. In conclusion, competitiveness is undoubtedly a feature of human’s personalities that should be taken into cautious consideration to upgrade its advantages and lessen its disadvantages.
There is no doubt that competitiveness is, by and large, one of the most striking traits of human. It is
often
argued that it is detrimental to
people
’s
lives
;
nevertheless
, I believe it
also
brings about benefits. The way rivalry impacts on each person and its merits and demerits would
be presented
in this essay.

The major effects of competitiveness could be
noticeably
felt at the workplace and school. Not
only
do
company
’s leaders seek for outstanding employees who prove to be competitive to lead team-work
but
customers
also
have desires for products and services with competitive prices.
Apparently
, rivalry plays as an indispensable motivation, stimulating students to pass exams with flying colors to become top in their
class
.
For the most part
, competitiveness is
availably
existing in every aspect of daily
lives
.

There is a common belief that this quality
adversely
affects individuals.
First of all
, the excessive focus on being the best could mislead
people
, by all means even committing crimes or doing harm to other colleagues, in order to reach their goals.
Secondly
, students are prone to be
constantly
under extreme pressure if they
are obsessed
with high marks, high ranks and impressive certificates, which might result in the
risks
of autism and depression.

However
, I am in the favor of the view that the advantages of competitiveness are more significant. Entering a competition could be
seen
as an excellent opportunity for everyone to challenge themselves, breaking comfort zones, and prove their potentials.
Furthermore
, it seems that the more ambitious one child is, the greater possibility of success he gains. This is
because
he could be aware of his rivalries, fearless of any failures and eager to
make
more and more progress.

In conclusion
, competitiveness is
undoubtedly
a feature of
human’s personalities
that should
be taken
into cautious consideration to upgrade its advantages and lessen its disadvantages.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Competitiveness is a positive quality for people to have among most societies. How does this competitiveness affect individuals? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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