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Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend? v.1

Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend? v. 1
Education is a stepping stone to achieve a successful life later and it becomes the hottest topic towards citizens. In addition to that, there is an increase in the number of study methods. Nowadays, instead of attending the courses on campus, many universities offer online lessons for their students. In my own perspective, I incline this as a positive development because of numerous merits. To begin with, applying a lesson online which is more convenient can boost the efficiency of the study progress. Instead of transferring to tertiary schools, attendants can completely deal with the course at home which is less time consuming. For instance, my cousin has saved 40-minute-drive to college since he altered to online study last year. As a result, students would be given more time to pursue a wealth of knowledge, they also have more opportunities to perfectly finish the revisions, enhancing the personal improvement. One remarkable advantage worth mentioning is the variety of information. When students go to school, it would be extremely annoying if they have to wait for the slow methodologies of the teachers in order to ensure the adequate knowledge for every member of the class. By contrast, when entering the course online, it is not difficult for intellectual teenagers to freely find out and cope with more complex information. To illustrate that, a recent research in Business Market conducted that about 56% of undergraduate students in Vietnam possess a more in-depth knowledge via online. As a consequence, being a well-rounded person might not be a challenge for young attendants anymore if there is an expansion in internet lessons. Take everything into consideration, only by adapting online courses can students achieve more opportunities to utilise all the potentials. In addition to that, it is not wrong to define this change as the positive development
Education is a stepping stone to achieve a successful life later and it becomes the hottest topic towards citizens.
In addition
to that, there is an increase in the number of study methods. Nowadays,
instead
of attending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
on campus,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
universities offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
lessons for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, I incline this as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of numerous merits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, applying a lesson
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
which is more convenient can boost the efficiency of the study progress.
Instead
of transferring to tertiary schools, attendants can completely deal with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
at home which is less
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
.
For instance
, my cousin has saved 40-minute-drive to college since he altered to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
study last year.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more time to pursue a wealth of knowledge, they
also
have more opportunities to
perfectly
finish the revisions, enhancing the personal improvement.

One remarkable advantage worth mentioning is the variety of information. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
go to school, it would be
extremely
annoying if they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait for the slow methodologies of the teachers in order to ensure the adequate knowledge for every member of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. By contrast, when entering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, it is not difficult for intellectual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to
freely
find out and cope with more complex information. To illustrate that, a recent research in Business Market conducted that about 56% of undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in Vietnam possess a more in-depth knowledge via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. As a consequence, being a well-rounded person might not be a challenge for young attendants anymore if there is an expansion in internet lessons.

Take everything into consideration,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by adapting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
achieve more opportunities to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
all the potentials.
In addition
to that, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to define this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
as the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
development
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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