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TPO 21 independent agree or not for success in a future job the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school v.2

TPO 21 independent agree or not for success in a future job the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school v. 2
Competition in today' s working areas are so high that many employees are seeking diverse ways to increase their level of success in their majors. There are mutually exclusive opinions in this context whether having great relations is more beneficial for workers or digesting all major-related contents. In my view, I am inclined to the former idealization in spite of the fact that the latter has more aficionados among adults. My answer to this bone of contention is twofold, and in the following, the rationale behind it will be elaborated by the most outstanding, solid proofs. The first and foremost explanation which is worth mentioning is that with having satisfactory relationships, individuals do not have to learn and know everything about their professions. Furthermore, they can allocate some chores to their colleagues who are better than them in that specific issue. To put it into a more vivid picture, I always thought that working and learning everything by myself is more profitable for me, but after a while, when I realized that I had not made any progress as a civil engineer, I started to make new friends who could help me understand my problems. Behnam who helped me solve a software issue gradually became my best professional participant in my job, and afterwards, we have been working together since ten years ago without feeling the need to study new subjects related to our projects. The second equally far-reaching rationalization to bear in mind is that with great relations, people will have access to more job opportunities and projects. As elderly people say, fraternizing always opens new doors in your professions. Moreover, researchers conclude that great relations will have been considered as the first critical success factor for knowledge workers by the end of 2050. As an illustration, my cousin was a seasoned web developer, but was not renowned enough to be offered myriad projects. He recognized that his lack of communications had caused this decrease in his job offers. Therefore, he started to attend as many conferences and seminars related to his job as he could to make new relations. Joining great social groups he has been being offered numerous jobs which are improving his prosperity. In conclusion, taking all the aforementioned justifications into account, I comply with this notion that making beneficial relations is more momentous in succeeding in comparison with studying hard. Good colleagues will teach you and omit your faults in your job; also, one can allocate their parts of jobs, which they themselves cannot solve, to their contributors. Additionally, individuals are introduced to scores of companies and be offered a preponderance of job opportunities thanks to their great relationships.
Competition in
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s working areas are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
high that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees are seeking diverse ways to increase their level of success in their majors. There are
mutually
exclusive opinions in this context whether having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
is more beneficial for workers or digesting all major-related contents. In my view, I
am inclined
to the former idealization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that the latter has more aficionados among adults. My answer to this bone of contention is twofold, and in the following, the rationale behind it will
be elaborated
by the most outstanding, solid proofs.

The
first
and foremost explanation which is worth mentioning is that with having satisfactory relationships, individuals do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn and
Did you mean "now"?
know
everything about their professions.
Furthermore
, they can allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
chores to their colleagues who are better than
In formal / written English, it is recommended that you use a subject pronoun.
them
in that specific issue. To put it into a more vivid picture, I always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that working and learning everything by myself is more profitable for me,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after a while, when I realized that I had not made any progress as a civil engineer, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends who could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me understand my problems.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Behnam
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me solve a software issue
gradually
became my best professional participant in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and afterwards, we have been working together since ten years ago without feeling the need to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
subjects related to our projects.

The second
equally
far-reaching rationalization to bear in mind is that with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will have access to more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities and projects. As elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say, fraternizing always opens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
doors in your professions.
Moreover
, researchers conclude that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
will have
been considered
as the
first
critical success factor for knowledge workers by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of 2050. As an illustration, my cousin was a seasoned web developer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
was not renowned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
be offered
myriad projects. He recognized that his lack of communications had caused this decrease in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offers.
Therefore
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to attend as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
conferences and seminars related to his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as he could to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
. Joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
social groups he has been
being offered
numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which are improving his prosperity.

In conclusion
, taking all the aforementioned justifications into account, I comply with this notion that making beneficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
is more momentous in succeeding
in comparison
with studying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
colleagues will teach you and omit your faults in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
;
also
, one can allocate their parts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, which they themselves cannot solve, to their contributors.
Additionally
, individuals
are introduced
to scores of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
be offered
a preponderance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities thanks to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
relationships.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 21 independent agree or not for success in a future job the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
444 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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