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College and universities should offer job preparation before students start to work? what do you think? v.2

College and universities should offer job preparation before students start to work? what do you think? v. 2
First job experience has always been one of the most stressful situations in each person' s life. As a matter of fact, finding a suitable job is a dream for everybody especially students. I strongly believe that each student should have some practical experiences before entering to a company. First and foremost, job preparation can help students to save time. Obviously, each person should know how to speak in an official atmosphere or how to make fun with his/her co-workers. These kinds of job preparations can be useful to teach them how to be in these situations. As we all know, people need to learn some tricks or point before going to work. Furthermore, some of the people learn these points in a course before going to work and on the other hand, some of them learn it during their job hardly. Second, students will be more confidence with having knowledge in his/her future job. Undoubtedly, most students have no idea about a job after school. They need to learn lot of points to be successful in their work. Compare two young adults; one of them has some information about his/her future job and one of them has not. Consequently, the first one with enough data will be more confidence and knowledgeable in the company. Last but not least, students can find some friends. For instance, my husband used to go to 3D Max classes after his school which was an extra class for being ready to go to a company. He spent two months in that class to learn how to write a program by this application. During this class he met a guy who was really good at this program. When he finished his course, he started to find a job in his major and he found out that guy is a senior manager in Walmart Company. This friendship encouraged him to try harder and he finally got a job in the Walmart by his friend' s advices. To sum up, job preparation is a good opportunity for students who has no experience in job market to be familiar with a new situation.
First
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
experience has always been one of the most stressful situations in each
Possible spelling mistake found.
person&
#039; s life. As a matter of fact, finding a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is a dream for everybody
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. I
strongly
believe that each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical experiences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
preparation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to save time.
Obviously
, each person should know how to speak in an official atmosphere or how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fun with his/her co-workers. These kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
preparations can be useful to teach them how to be in these situations. As we all know,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tricks or point
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to work.
Furthermore
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
these points in a course
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to work and
on the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
it during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
The adverb 'hardly' is usually not used at the end of a sentence.
hardly
.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be more confidence with having knowledge in his/her future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Undoubtedly
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after school. They need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
points to be successful in their work. Compare two young adults; one of them has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information about his/her future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and one of them has not.
Consequently
, the
first
one with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
data will be more confidence and knowledgeable in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
friends.
For instance
, my husband
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to go to 3D Max
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
after his school which was an extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
for being ready to go to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. He spent two months in that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to write a program by this application. During this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
he met a guy who was
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at this program. When he finished his course, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in his
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
major and
he found out that guy is a senior manager in Walmart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
. This friendship encouraged him to try
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
harder and
he
finally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
The usual preposition for "got a job" is "with" for an organization. Revise: "with the Walmart".
in the Walmart
by his
Possible spelling mistake found.
friend&
#039; s advices.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
preparation is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'students' should be used.
has
no experience in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market to be familiar with a new situation.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay College and universities should offer job preparation before students start to work? what do you think? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
355 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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