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College and universities should offer job preparation before students start to work? what do you think? v.1

College and universities should offer job preparation before students start to work? what do you think? v. 1
As the economy grows faster, cash could not meet the payment needs of the entire negotiation and consumption. Therefore, the application of cashless payment more convenient and safer, is what any country is heading to. I absolutely approve that a cashless society is advantageous to the progress of a nation. To begin with, the first advantage is that crime rate will decline. With cash, it is simple for pickpockets to steal money, whether the amount is large or small. Likewise, illegal transactions, like the drug trade, typically take place with cash so that the seller can be certain about getting paid. Besides, it costs money to print bills and coins. Highlighting, the main benefit is no management of cash. Businesses need to store the money, get more when they run out, and deposit cash when they have too much on hand. In addition, the currency exchange is uncomplicated. Take for example, whenever one visit a foreign country, they may need to purchase local currency. But it becomes easier if both nations can deal with digital payment. Rather than figure out another currency, your mobile device handles everything for you. Nevertheless, there is no denying that using a credit card has some disadvantages. Electronic payments mean less privacy, you might have nothing to hide, but your payment information could turn up in ways that are impossible to predict. Obviously, hackers are the bank robbers of the electronic world. In a cashless society, the consequences are higher if somebody drains your account because you don’t have any alternative ways to spend. Moreover, the poor will have an even harder time. They don’t have expensive devices for making payments, and those who operate in the informal economy would have no way to get paid or receive aid. By contrast, there are still solutions for these problems, hence the benefits outweigh drawbacks. Taking everything into consideration, from my point of view, a cashless society is much possible as long as the progress is gradual and the infrastructure is sufficient. The government should be responsible for handling data and security for the sake of the citizens.
As the economy grows faster,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
needs of the entire negotiation and consumption.
Therefore
, the application of cashless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
more convenient and safer, is what any country is heading to. I
absolutely
approve that a cashless society is advantageous to the progress of a nation.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
first
advantage is that crime rate will decline. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
, it is simple for pickpockets to steal money, whether the amount is large or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
.
Likewise
, illegal transactions, like the drug trade,
typically
take place with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the seller can be certain about getting paid.
Besides
, it costs money to print bills and coins. Highlighting, the main benefit is no management of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
. Businesses need to store the money,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more when they run out, and deposit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cash
when they have too much on hand.
In addition
, the currency exchange
is uncomplicated
. Take
for example
, whenever one visit a foreign country, they may need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
local currency.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it becomes easier if both nations can deal with digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
.
Rather
than figure out another currency, your mobile device
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
handles
everything for you.

Nevertheless
, there is no denying that using a credit card has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages. Electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payments
mean less privacy, you might have nothing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
information could turn up in ways that are impossible to predict.
Obviously
, hackers are the bank robbers of the electronic world. In a cashless society, the consequences are higher if somebody drains your account
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you don’t have any alternative ways to spend.
Moreover
, the poor will have an even harder time. They don’t have expensive devices for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payments
, and those who operate in the informal economy would have no way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid or receive aid. By contrast, there are
still
solutions for these problems,
hence
the benefits outweigh drawbacks.

Taking everything into consideration, from my point of view, a cashless society is much possible as long as the progress is gradual and the infrastructure is sufficient. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should be responsible for handling data and security for the sake of the citizens.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay College and universities should offer job preparation before students start to work? what do you think? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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