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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Colleges or Universities should offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working. v.153

Colleges or Universities should offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working. v. 153
Charity workers who work for a noble cause should extend their helping hands to the needy and underprivileged people all over the world. However, some people think that they should look after their own countries. I strongly disagree that one's own country should be considered leaving other countries behind. Philanthropic or charity works should aim to assist people irrespective of race, gender, nationality. Some countries are rich and other's are very poor, and therefore, the organisations in wealthy nations could be of great help to the weak and destitute people of African countries. This would develop a sense of brotherhood among different nations. Moreover, this could be of great help for wealth distribution between various nations on the planet. Many philanthropists such as the US actress Angelina Jolie or Entrepreneur Bill Gates are known to provide help to various people who live in different parts of the world. On the other hand, if people contribute to their country only, then it can give rise to problems concerning the distribution of charity. The ultra-rich countries of the Middle-East and Europe needs extremely less help compared to the poor and developing nations of Africa and South-Asia, where many people live below the poverty line. Also, the humanitarian aids must be provided for all the people of the world and should not be concentrated in a particular area because it is our social responsibility to help every human being in all possible ways. The charity foundations should show their generosity to every needy person and not just their own citizens. I believe, when nations help each other it can lead to stronger bonds and help to eliminate many issues around the globe.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Charity
workers who work for a noble cause should extend their helping hands to the needy and underprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should look after their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. I
strongly
disagree that one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should
be considered
leaving other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
behind.

Philanthropic or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
works should aim to assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
irrespective of race, gender, nationality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are rich and
Did you mean the plural instead of the possessive?
other's
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor, and
therefore
, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
in wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
could be of great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to the weak and destitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This would develop a sense of brotherhood among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Moreover
, this could be of great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
for wealth distribution between various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
on the planet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
philanthropists such as the US actress Angelina Jolie or Entrepreneur Bill Gates
are known
to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world.

On the other hand
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contribute to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, then it can give rise to problems concerning the distribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
. The ultra-rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
of the Middle-East and Europe needs
extremely
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
compared to the poor and developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
of Africa and South-Asia, where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
below the poverty line.
Also
, the humanitarian aids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be provided
for all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the world and should not
be concentrated
in a particular area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is our social responsibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
every human being in all possible ways.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
foundations should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their generosity to every needy person and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
citizens. I believe, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
each other it can lead to stronger bonds and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to eliminate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues around the globe.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Colleges or Universities should offer more courses to prepare students for the future before they start working. v. 153

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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