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Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. v.12

Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. v. 12
In this contemporary era, raising a children are becoming a challenging task for parents and schools. Some people believe that reading is the only aspect which helps them to gain more skills, but others believe that engaging them in different activities could be more useful to them to learn more skills. There are several feisty debates on this throughout the world. I completely accord that engaging them in activities, help them to learn different skills. Let me slice and dice different views and emphasize my opinion in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, Firstly, Most of the schools throughout the world concentrate on pupils' education rather than letting them involve in different activities. They strongly believe that reading will help students to learn several skills. Secondly, Most parents have a blind belief that by reading books, children can become a skilled person and also by learning numerous books they can feed enormous skills to themselves. Hence, many parents have not let their children take part in extracurricular activities. In fact, they think that many people have become scientists by constantly focusing on reading nor than involving in other activities. On the other hand, Mainly, Group of people believes that skills are inculcated by training not by reading the books. They highlight that skill has to gain by constant practice. Hence it apparently shows that students should be engaged in several activities to attain utmost skills. Moreover, reading books could only help pupils to know about specific skill but not support them to become a master in such skill. For example, Theoretical observation of certain skills would be useful for the students to write the exam well not to perform the skills. Finally, participating in activities have been moulding students to bring up their best outcome in different skills. I would like to conclude by stating that participating in a skill will teach practical aspects of skill to students. Let engage them to practises instead of reading books. Such moves would be the best initiative to enlighten better and fruitful career for them.
In this contemporary era, raising
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a child" or simply "children"?
a children
are becoming a challenging task for parents and schools.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
aspect which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to gain more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that engaging them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
could be more useful to them to learn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. There are several feisty debates on this throughout the world. I completely accord that engaging them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me slice and dice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
views and emphasize my opinion in the following paragraphs.

On the one hand,
Firstly
, Most of the schools throughout the world concentrate on pupils' education
rather
than letting them involve in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. They
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Secondly
, Most parents have a blind belief that by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, children can become a skilled person and
also
by learning numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
they can feed enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to themselves.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. In fact, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have become scientists by
constantly
focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
nor than involving in other activities.

On the other hand
,
Mainly
, Group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believes
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are inculcated
by training not by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. They highlight that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
gain by constant practice.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it
apparently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be engaged
in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to attain utmost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
pupils to know about specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not support them to become a master in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
.
For example
, Theoretical observation of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
would be useful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to write the exam well not to perform the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Finally
, participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have been
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulding' is British English.
moulding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to bring up their best outcome in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

I would like
to conclude
by stating that participating in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
will teach practical aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
engage them to
Possible spelling mistake. 'practises' is British English.
practises
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. Such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
would be the best initiative to enlighten better and fruitful career for them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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