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Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it? v.6

Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 6
Cinema was one of the major entertainment sources during the 20th century, across the globe. The current trend indicates that the number of people watching films in a cinema hall is reducing in many countries. This essay will demonstrate the causes for this change and will provide the possible solutions. It is apparent that work pressure is increasing day by day due to competition. As people spend more time at their job, they have less time for entertainment. For instance, in Asian countries like India, Singapore etc. employees work around 10 hours a day due to their work requirement. In addition to that, they spend 1 to 2 hours on average for travel. They hardly get spare times to enjoy movies. Thus it is obvious that in some areas, people do not get enough opportunity to enjoy movies. This can be solved by restricting the work to maximum 8 hours a day. Both the government and the companies should come up with a policy that the workforce is never exploited. Another important reason why some citizens do not have the interest in cinemas is due to its focus on less interesting issues. For example, most of the current South Asian movies just gravitate towards money spending and give less importance to stories or theme. After watching the film, there is nothing to study or accept from. By analysing how film industry concentrates on illegitimate factors, it is clear that the youth is definitely distancing from movies and switching to games in some nations. One way to get rid of this problem is to focus on the issue which the people enjoy. As the interest change from region to region, it is up to the regional film industry to recognise the demand for that area. As a conclusion, it is apparent that by taking some measures, by government and industries, definitely cinema viewers can be increased. As a result, the film industry can use this as a mean of creating social awareness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cinema
was one of the major entertainment sources during the 20th century, across the globe. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trend indicates that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
watching films in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
hall is reducing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. This essay will demonstrate the causes for this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and will provide the possible solutions.

It is apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure is increasing day by day due to competition. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend more time at their job, they have less time for entertainment.
For instance
, in Asian countries like India, Singapore etc. employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
around 10 hours a day due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
requirement.
In addition
to that, they spend 1 to 2 hours on average for travel. They hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
spare times to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it is obvious that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
opportunity to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. This can
be solved
by restricting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to maximum 8 hours a day. Both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with a policy that the workforce is never exploited.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
citizens do not have the interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinemas
is due to its focus on less interesting issues.
For example
, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
South Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
gravitate towards money spending and give less importance to stories or theme. After watching the film, there is nothing to study or accept from. By
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
how film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
concentrates on illegitimate factors, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the youth is definitely distancing from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and switching to games in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations. One way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of this problem is to focus on the issue which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy. As the interest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
from region to region, it is up to the regional film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
the demand for that area.

As a conclusion, it is apparent that by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures, by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
, definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
viewers can
be increased
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
As
a result, the film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this as a mean of creating social awareness.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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