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Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it? v.2

Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 2
Although, cinema is becoming increasingly popular all over the world, but the result of a recent research reveals a downward trend cinema viewers affecting many countries in relation to this. This essay will discuss both causes of this trend and will propose a solution to solve this problem. Firstly, one of the main causes for the number of cinema goers to decline is the easy and fast internet access. Unlimited movie download facility from the Internet as well as watching it online is giving people the opportunity to watch their favourite movies at homes. ‘Globalization and popularity of foreign movies’ are two other reasons why people do not go to movie theatres to watch local-made movies. The quality of local-made movies has declined in many countries and that’s why many people think it does not worth to go to the cinema hall to watch a movie. There are some small measures that could be taken to decrease the sensitivity of this issue, restriction on Internet providers for free online movie videos could be an effective measure. Movies are copyrighted and the unlawful access to copyrighted materials for free should be controlled. In particular, the film industry can register a police report against online service providers for illegal copyrights of the original movies and free access to watch these. The quality of local movies should be enhanced to attract more people to watch it in the cinema halls. In summary, the above problems can be solved to some extent by applying the suggested measures. It can be predicted that the drop in cinema attendance could be controlled by taking proper measures.
Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
is becoming
increasingly
popular all over the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the result of a recent research reveals a downward trend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
viewers affecting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries in relation to this. This essay will discuss both causes of this trend and will propose a solution to solve this problem.

Firstly
, one of the main causes for the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
goers to decline is the easy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
internet access. Unlimited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
download facility from the Internet
as well
as watching it online is giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
at homes. ‘Globalization and popularity of foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies’
are two other reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
local-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. The quality of local-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
has declined in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries and that’s why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it does not worth to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
hall to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
a movie.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
that could
be taken
to decrease the sensitivity of this issue, restriction on Internet providers for free online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
videos could be an effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measure
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Movies
are copyrighted
and the unlawful access to copyrighted materials for free should
be controlled
.
In particular
, the film industry can register a police report against online service providers for illegal copyrights of the original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and free access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
these. The quality of local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
should
be enhanced
to attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
halls.

In summary, the above problems can
be solved
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent by applying the suggested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
. It can
be predicted
that the drop in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
attendance could
be controlled
by taking proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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